My Old Friend
by cdixon
Summary: When and old friend of Beckett's comes to town and winds up dead, Castle and Beckett's relationship is challenged in more ways than one.  Follows my story "Changes," but is not necessary to read that first.
1. Chapter 1

_This story follows my previous multi-chapter fic "Changes," but isn't directly related. I'd LOVE for you to read that one first, but if ya don't, there are three things you should know: 1) Montgomery's replacement is Rachel Maddox, who hates Castle. I didn't know enough about Irons yet. 2) Castle and Beckett caught her mother's killer. Castle killed him, actually. 3) Castle and Beckett are an item now. _

_The first few chapters are in flashback structure, and it jumps around in time. I've put the dates at the top of the sections to make it more clear. I'm not as happy with this one as I am with "Changes," but I thought I'd post it anyway. I'm also no 100% sure about the rating...I may up it in coming chapters. I welcome your criticisms as always!_

_ As always, I don't own the characters (except for Maddox and Davis, obviously). If i DID, we damn sure wouldn't have to wait 4 months between seasons!_

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 1 <strong>

_September 21, 2012, 12:53pm_

Richard Castle was experiencing an odd sense of deja vu. He was sitting on the wrong side of the interrogation table being questioned about a murder for the third time since meeting Kate Beckett. Only this time the view was significantly worse: Beckett wasn't doing the interrogating.

''I didn't kill him" Castle insisted for what seemed the thousandth time that day. He leaned forward, propping his forearms on the table and looked directly into the eyes of Captain Rachel Maddox. The bitch. Montgomery's "replacement."

Maddox had been itching to interrogate Castle, or just generally to torture him in any way she could. She wouldn't let Beckett question Castle, insisting that their relationship would interfere with Kate's ability to do her job. That was a joke. There was no one more professional than Detective Kate Beckett. Anyway, she was so pissed at him that Castle wasn't even sure they _had_ a relationship anymore.

"You threatened him just over twenty-four hours before his body was found" said Maddox, rising from her seat and pacing the floor of _Interrogation 1_. "I have six witnesses who say you assaulted the victim and threatened to kill him. 'You come within three feet of her and I swear to God I'll kill you' is what they heard you say."

"Did they happen to mention_ why_ I said that?" Castle shot back, his anger building.

Maddox smiled wickedly. "Oh, yes. He was kissing Detective Beckett. Can't have that, can we?"

"Not when she was trying to push him off and he wouldn't take the hint, no. If she had been…an active participant, well, that's a different story."

The expression on the Captain's face said quite clearly that she didn't believe him. "So you must have been pretty angry when he came back to see Detective Beckett. I mean, after you had told him to stay away or you'd kill him."

"No, I wasn't. She was fine, so I was fine."

"You didn't confront him again later that evening?"

"No. I did not."

"You are the registered owner of a thirty eight caliber handgun, correct?"

Castle smirked. "I think you're well aware that I am, _Captain_. Since you sicced your IA buddies on me the last time I used it." Maddox stiffened. Castle had shot the man responsible for Johanna Beckett's and Roy Montgomery's murders with his .38 Colt, and Captain Maddox had seen this as the ultimate opportunity to throw Castle out of the precinct permanently. But since Castle hadn't done anything illegal and Beckett had sworn she wouldn't work without him, he remained an unofficial member of the twelfth precinct's homicide division.

"Just answer the question" Maddox snapped.

Castle let out an exasperated sigh. "I own several guns, and all of them are locked in my safe. Or they were until you had them sent to ballistics. Other than that, they've been in my safe since the last time I went down to the shooting range."

"You didn't take the .38 with you last night when you went to see the Mr. Davis?"

"I. Didn't. See. Davis last night. Not after he left the precinct.'' Even in his anger and frustration, Castle couldn't help but notice that Maddox wasn't nearly as skilled at interrogation as Beckett. Then again, who was?

"You told Detective Beckett that you were with your mother from eight until twelve last night" said Maddox. She stopped pacing and leaned against the table next to Castle. It was supposed to be an intimidating stance, but it fell far short. "But you weren't, were you?"

"Like I told you before, I went shopping and-"

"Right. At Tiffany's." It was the Captain's turn to smirk. "We haven't been able to verify that you were there past nine thirty."

"That's right" said Castle, speaking as if he was talking to a small child. "Because I wasn't shopping after nine thirty. I went, home, changed, and went for a run."

''At that hour of the night? Don't you think that's a little dangerous, Castle?"

"Not really."

Maddox stood. "Well, you just make yourself comfortable. We'll have ballistics on your weapon back soon. Then we'll know for sure."

Castle took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair, leaning back in his seat. Maddox smirked again, making Castle want to punch her, and strode out of the room. She closed the door sharply behind her and left Castle to his anger and frustration.

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><p><em>September 18, 2012, 4:35pm<em>

Detective Kate Beckett sighed in frustration. They had been working their current case for four days, and were no closer to finding the person responsible for the murder of Melissa Jones, aka Kandi Johnson. Kandi was a stripper and part-time prostitute until someone, and Beckett would have given her eye teeth at this point to know who, had stabbed her in the chest and left her in an alley in Hell's Kitchen. They had spoken to her boss and co-workers at the strip club, her pimp, her roommate and several clients. Every suspect had alibied out.

A large, warm hand covered Beckett's briefly, giving a squeeze before it disappeared to its original position, propped on the jean-clad thigh of its owner. Beckett glanced to her left where her partner mirrored her stance on the edge of her desk at the NYPD's twelfth precinct. He didn't look at Beckett but stared straight ahead at the murder board, deep in thought.

They had a strict "no touching at work" policy, but somehow Richard Castle could always sense her mood and knew when Kate needed his support, rules be damned. He was always subtle about it, a light squeeze of her hand or palm placed on the small of her back momentarily, a hug when no one was around. It was just enough to let Beckett know that he was there for her, that he understood. They had to be careful. The captain was still itching for the chance to kick Castle out of the precinct for good, and if Maddox witnessed the slightest bit of PDA their unorthodox partnership would be terminated.

It wasn't as if their relationship was a secret. Everyone at the twelfth precinct knew, Kate's father and Rick's family knew, and outside of work they were very much the happy couple. They endured near constant ribbing from Lanie, Esposito and Ryan. Well, Ryan more so than Esposito and Lanie, since Kate and Rick could always answer those two with teasing about their own relationship. Nonetheless, Kate and Rick were vigilant in their adherence to policy while at work, no matter how fantastic the sex was the night-or morning-before. And it always was fantastic.

Castle shifted slightly next to Beckett-for they were always "Castle" and "Beckett" at work-and spoke for the first time in several minutes. ''What about the brother?"

"Brad Jones?" Beckett asked. "You think he would've killed his own sister? What's his motive?"

"Anger" said Castle, adopting the tone he always took when he was about to spin a theory. "Say he found out what his little sister was doing with her life. He's upset, he wants her to stop. He confronts her, she tells him it's none of his business. In seeing her carelessness, he's overcome with rage. He snaps. Takes the knife from the drawer and stabs it into his sister's chest because he can't stand for her to keep doing these things to herself. He sees the blood on his hands and realizes what he's done. So he cleans up after himself, sneaks her body out of the apartment and leaves her in the alley, thinking that if we find her there we'll assume one of her…_customers_ killed her."

"Sounds like a good theory to me" said a voice from a few feet away. It was a voice Kate hadn't heard in years, but identified before she even turned around.

"Matthew Davis!" she exclaimed, rushing over to the man and hugging him tightly. Matt lifted Kate off the ground slightly, giving her an enthusiastic squeeze before returning her to her feet.

Kate pulled back and held Matt at arms length, looking him over. Except for the deep tan and a few new wrinkles he had changed very little in the last five years. His brown hair was still cut short, his dark eyes held the same clever gleam, he was still broad shouldered and fit, slightly shorter than Kate was with her heels on.

"Kate Beckett, you look fantastic" said Matt with a broad smile.

"You too, Matt. California life agrees with you."

"What's it been, five years?"

"Close to it" said Beckett with a bright smile. She sensed Castle's presence just behind her shoulder. "Matt, this is my partner, Rick Castle."

"The author" said Matt, shaking Rick's hand. Rick was standing slightly closer to Kate than their established work distance, and Kate had to force herself not to roll her eyes at his possessiveness. But it was kind of adorable, too. "They won't let you have a cop for a partner, Kate?" asked Matt with a wink.

"They forced this one on me, Matt" said Kate, grinning at Castle, "but he's grown on me. Castle, this is Matt Davis. He was a detective at the Twelfth my first two years here."

"Taught her everything she knows" said Matt.

Kate punched him lightly in the shoulder. "What are you doing here, anyway? Did the LAPD finally kick you out?"

Matt chuckled slightly, looking at his feet. "No, but you know how it is, I couldn't stay away from New York for too long. I've just been hired by a private security firm, so I'm gonna start makin' the big bucks. Thought I'd come by and see if you were still hanging around this dump." Kate shrugged and nodded, but Matt's smile faded. "I heard about Montgomery, too. It's a damn shame."

"Yeah" said Kate sadly, thinking that Matt didn't know the half of it. She glanced at Rick, who gave her an understanding smile. Castle, Beckett, Ryan and Esposito were the only ones who knew the truth about the Captain's betrayal, the _real_ reason for his death, and it was going to stay that way. "We still miss him around here" she said.

"Who did they replace him with?" asked Matt, glancing toward the office formerly occupied by Roy Montgomery.

"Rachel Maddox" Castle offered. "Formerly with IA. And my _biggest_ fan" he said, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"What's the matter? I thought you'd be used to people not liking you" said Matt in a tone a bit too sharp to be taken as joking. Castle look taken aback, though he disguised it well, and Beckett was equally surprised. Her fling with Matt had ended on fairly amiable terms, and had been over for ages. There should be no need for the animosity toward her current boyfriend. But Matt's bright smile returned as he brought his attention back to Kate. "I don't remember her. Is she okay? I mean, not that anyone could come close to measuring up to Montgomery, but…"

Kate shrugged. "She's more interested in politics and protocol than supporting her staff, but we're getting used to...living with her."

Matt nodded. "Well I see you have work to do, so I'll get out of your hair. Wanna grab a drink with me, catch up?'' he asked.

"Sure. How's tomorrow night?"

"Perfect. Good luck with the case" said Matt before turning to Castle and saying a bit stiffly. "Nice to meet you, Rick."

"Same to you" said Castle, bewildered. He watched Matt go with a confused look on his face.

"He's just being overprotective" Kate defended, though she wasn't entirely sure herself. "Come on. Let's grab the boys and go talk to our vic's brother."

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><p><em>September 18, 2012, 10:47pm<em>

Rick rolled onto his back a few hours later, breathless. Kate turned into his side and draped a bare leg over Rick's thigh as her hand traced across his chest. "Tell me something" she said, sleepy and content. "Was that you gloating because you were right about the brother, or you marking your territory because of Matt?"

"Are you complaining?" Rick asked, glancing down at the gorgeous head resting on his shoulder, the dark waves fanning out over his pillow. Truth be told, it was a little of both but more of the second. He didn't care for the way Matt Davis looked at Kate: possessive, slightly predatory, and filled with lust.

Kate leaned up and kissed him lazily. "Not complaining at all, just curious. I might have to keep Matt around if this is the kind of treatment it gets me."

"I'd rather you didn't" said Rick. "You wouldn't want to give him the wrong impression. I'd hate to have to hurt the guy."

Kate laughed softly. "You think you could take him, Ricky?" she mocked. "He's a trained detective."

"If it came down to it…" he answered, only half joking. "I don't want to, but if he forced my hand I'd have to take action. I had to work to hard to get you here to let you go." Rick started to kiss Kate again, but pulled back quickly as her comment struck him. "Actually, I'm a little hurt, Detective. Do you really have so little faith in me?"

"Not at all. You could kill him with one hand behind your back if you chose to, Big Rick."

"Cause I'm so manly and strong?"

"Cause you're so manly and strong" Kate agreed, sliding onto Rick's chest and kissing him throughly.

"That's what I thought" Rick replied, breaking the kiss only briefly and watching her face break in to that breathtaking smile before returning his lips to hers. They pulled apart after a few moments and Kate rested her head on his shoulder once again. "So what's the story there?" Rick asked, curiosity outweighing animosity. Kate was, after all, in _his_ bed, laying on _his_ chest. Matt was no threat.

"We worked together for about two years when I first became a detective" said Kate, tracing random patterns across Rick's chest again. "He was good, very smart, but looking back I realize he wasn't _as_ good as I gave him credit for at the time. I was just green, you know, and he was…"

"What?" asked Rick. He wondered if he _really_ wanted to know what Matt was, but he was curious all the same.

Kate sighed. "Keep in mind that I'm currently in _your_ bed, laying on _your_ chest, and I love you" she said, eyes twinkling even in the dim light of Rick's room.

"Well, when you put it that way…" said Rick with a smile.

Kate returned the smile and kissed Rick's cheek. "Matt's a really good looking guy" she continued, "and he's sweet, and talented in many ways." Rick glared mockingly at her. "Though not nearly as ruggedly handsome and sweet and talented as you are, Dear" Kate amended jokingly before going back to her story. "We dated briefly, maybe a month or two, before I broke it off. He moved to LA a few months later. Matt was really into surfing and wanted a taste of the California life. We were still friends, but we just lost touch after a while."

"I'm glad you two have the chance to reconnect" said Rick. "Not _connect_, connect, just…you know. Catch up." He grinned.

"That's too bad," said Kate thoughtfully, "I was planning on taking him home tomorrow and letting him make wild, passionate love to me."

Rick narrowed his eyes at her playful smirk. "Oh yeah?" he said, flipping them so that Kate was pinned beneath him, laughing. "I'll show you wild and passionate." Kate laughed again, the musical sound Rick loved filling the room, and for the next several minutes they forgot all about Matthew Davis. It was one of the last times they did so for quite some time.

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><p><em>Please review! <em>


	2. Chapter 2

_It may become apparent to you that I do NOT live in New York. In fact, I don't really like New York (no offense intended, I'm just a country girl), and I've only ever been twice. The second time I was just in 2 airports and a crappy hotel (long story). So if the geography doesn't make sense, I'm sorry. I try._

_Please, oh please review!_

_Castle belongs to Andrew Marlowe and ABC, the lucky bastards._

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 2<strong>

_September 21, 2012, 4:30am_

Kate's phone buzzed at some ungodly hour of the morning, and Rick groaned as she slid out of his arms to answer. He opened his eyes a crack, and saw that the sky wasn't even _beginning_ to lighten. A glance at the clock told him it was four thirty. Son of a...

"Beckett" Kate said into the phone, her voice thick with sleep. Rick barely even heard her half of the conversation as he drifted back away from consciousness. They had only gone to bed a few hours earlier, for Christ's sake.

A few moments later Rick woke again as Kate ended the call. He sat up next to her, rubbing sleep from his eyes. "Body drop?"

Kate sighed deeply. "Yeah, dock workers pulled him out of the East River." Rick groaned again and slid down the headboard, running his hands through his hair. Kate chuckled softly. She was much more of a morning -or crack of dawn- person than Rick. "You don't have to come, you know."

"No, I'm coming" said Rick, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and hauling his exhausted body out of the bed. "If I don't go, this'll be the coolest crime scene this year and I'll miss it. But you owe me."

"Why do I owe you?"

"You kept me up until one thirty, then your job drags me out of bed three hours later…" Rick shook his head in mock disapproval.

Kate threw a pillow at his head and made a face. "_I_ kept _you_ up? _I_ was going to stay at my apartment,_ you_ wanted me to come over."

They bickered all the way to the crime scene, where Lanie was crouched over the waterlogged body. "You two are way too damn happy for this hour of the morning" the ME remarked, her tone markedly less spunky at that early hour. The first rays of light were just beginning to sift through the cracks between the buildings across the river.

Castle handed over the cup of tea he had brought for Lanie, knowing that she didn't drink coffee. She had once asked Castle why he never brought breakfast for her, and since then he had made more of an effort to include the good doctor in his orders on the way to a crime scene. Lanie _was_ Kate's best friend, after all. It couldn't hurt to be on her good side. That, and she was kind of scary for such a tiny woman.

Lanie took the drink gratefully and took a sip. ''I just got here myself" she said motioning toward the body of a dark haired man laying on his back a few feet away. "Can't tell you much yet. What I can tell you is that he was shot in the head, close range, by a large caliber bullet."

Castle and Beckett followed Dr. Parrish over to the body to take a look for themselves. "Have you got an…" Beckett began, but trailed off. She turned Castle, her face stricken. "Rick, that's…"

Castle swallowed hard and nodded, staring at the body. Knowing that this was one of the rare moments when it would be allowed, he wrapped an arm around Kate's shoulders. "I know'' he said.

"You know this guy?" Lanie asked, concern written all over her features as she glanced from Beckett to Castle and back again.

Beckett nodded. "It's Matthew Davis" she told Lanie, before turning to Castle. "What the hell was going on with him?"

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><p><em>September 19, 2012, 8:13pm<em>

Kate sat and in a booth of the bar she and Matt used to frequent. He had texted to say that he was running late, so Kate had ordered a beer and a shot of tequila while she waited. She gazed around at the bar's other occupants, mostly cops, and let her mind wander. It wandered, of course, to Rick and the absolutely amazing things he had done to her body the night before. Christ, that man was full of surprises.

They had been together for six months now, and Kate was already imagining spending the rest of her life with Rick. She stayed at his apartment almost every night, and she didn't sleep as well when he wasn't beside her. Kate had fallen in love with Alexis as well, though she had left for college just over a month earlier, and she adored Martha in all her dramatic glory. She loved having dinner with them, especially on the rare occasions when her father joined them. She loved their games and movie nights, enjoyed chatting with Alexis about school and "girl stuff" over the phone or when Rick wasn't around. It felt like _family_, and it was the first time Kate had felt so at home since her mother's death.

A slight blush crept over Kate's cheek as she thought about Rick's warm, solid body, those talented hands, that mouth that drove her crazy in more ways than one, those eyes of his that were so blue it was almost inhuman, that mind that knew her better than anyone else, that challenged and amazed her. She had never been a needy girl, one of those girlfriends who couldn't spend fifteen minutes without her boyfriend, but with Rick… Kate _needed_ Rick. At work and in bed, for support, for laughter, for comfort, in every way a woman could need a man.

"What're you thinking about so hard?" said Matt, who was standing next to her.

"Hey!'' said Kate, shaking _those_ thoughts out of her head before standing and hugging Matt.

A gorgeous twenty-something waitress arrived at the table. "I'll have what she's having" Matt told her, and she strode off with a nod.

"She was checking you out, Matt" said Kate. "You should get her number."

Matt shook his head. ''No, I don't think so."

Kate looked at her friend in shock. "Are you seeing someone? Or are hot young blondes not your type?"

Matt smiled stiffly. "Something like that."

As the tequila shots continued flowing, Kate and Matt caught up on the lost years, chatting about Matt's time at the LAPD, the people of California, some of Kate's more interesting cases, Ryan and Esposito's adventures. They reminisced on old times, the cases they'd solved, the ones they hadn't. They talked about Montgomery, shared their grief over a mutual friend and mentor.

Even through her growing buzz, Kate noticed that Matt winced very slightly every time she mentioned Rick's name. She brushed it off, thinking that Matt was probably just concerned for her. Most people, Matt included, knew only the Richard Castle of the tabloids, and that wasn't the real Rick at all. In time, Matt would see that and he would be fine with Rick. It wasn't until Matt brought up the writer himself that Kate was forced to confront the issue.

They stayed at the bar for over two hours before they decided to head home. Matt would walk Kate to her apartment, just a few blocks away, and then get a cab back to his place. Both had had a few shots too many, though Kate held liquor better than Matt did. It was still fairly early, and Kate texted Rick as they walked and asked him to meet her at her apartment. She didn't think she'd be able to sleep without seeing him once more before closing her eyes, but she did want to spend the night at her apartment. She was afraid her doorman was beginning to forget who she was.

"So, what's with you and the writer?" Matt asked, slurring is words slightly.

Kate smiled, even though she could sense the waves of animosity Matt was emitting. She couldn't help but smile when she thought of Rick.

"We met on a case" Kate told Matt,"four years ago. A killer was murdering people the way Castle did in his books, and we called him in to consult. I brought him in for questioning and he _volunteered_ to consult, actually. After that case he decided to base Nikki Heat on me, and started following me around for book research." Kate shook her head. "I couldn't' stand him at first, but he actually turned out to be a valuable member of the team. He's smart, and he thinks outside the box. Castle's saved my life more than once…he's a lot different than his public image."

"So you two are…?"

"We're together, yeah."

"Why?" Matt snapped, the streetlights casting an eerie glow across his handsome face, making him look more dangerous than attractive. "You could do so much better than him, Kate. Don't you know that?"

Kate stopped near the entrance to her apartment building. She had never seen Matt like this before. "You don't know him, Matt. I don't think there _is_ any better. Not for me."

Matt's face darkened, a look of utmost sadness and anger crossing his features. Kate had seen glimpses of this expression all evening, but now he was making no effort to hide it. It was the face of a man who was in trouble, and Kate couldn't help thinking that something other than missing New York had taken Matt from California. He was hiding something.

"Matt, is everything alright?" Kate asked.

He forced a smile. "Yeah, I'm fine. Can I walk you up?" he asked lightly, though his words were still a bit slurred and his brown eyes still filled with pain.

"Please do" said Kate with a smile, though she was still concerned for her friend.

The entered her building and rode the elevator together wordlessly. Matt seemed deep in thought. His eyes, bleary from the tequila, were downcast and his expression was grave. Kate was tempted to press him for more information, to see what she could do to help him get out of whatever he had gotten himself into, but she decided that this wasn't the time. Matt was too drunk. Neither spoke a word until they reached the door to Kate's apartment.

"That was fun, Matt. We should do it again sometime, now that you're back on this side of the country." Kate smiled, but Matt still looked distraught. He was gazing at Kate with bleary-eyed sadness and apprehension that broke her heart, so she leaned over and kissed him gently on the cheek.

Matt misread her actions. Before Kate knew what hit her she was pinned to the door, Matt's mouth pressed hard against hers, his hands all over her body. She pushed at him, resisted, but Matt was far stronger. He clasped her hands in his and pinned them to the wall by her head, pressing his body fully into hers. Kate continued to resist to no avail. She tried aiming a knee at his groin, but before she could get it there Matt was gone.

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><p><em>September 19, 2012, 10:58pm<em>

The doorman let Rick up, having seen him so many times in the last few years. "Miss Beckett just got home, Mr. Castle" he said by way of greeting.

"Thanks Chris" said Rick, waving as he made his way to the elevator. It had only been a few hours since he had seen Kate, but he had been relieved to get her text. He _could_ spend the night without her, of course. He was a grown man and had spent many a night in his bed without her company. He just didn't _like_ to anymore. He slept more soundly with Kate by his side, and woke feeling happier when she was there in the morning.

The elevator doors opened on Kate's floor, and Rick stepped out. He made it three steps before he froze, his heart plummeting at the sight before him. Kate was kissing Matt Davis. Kate Beckett was pinned against the wall kissing Matt Davis, her body flush with his. Wait.

No. Matt Davis was kissing Kate Beckett. And Kate was trying like hell to push him off.

The feeling of agony that had settled in Rick's chest was rapidly replaced with fury. He closed the distance between the elevator and Kate's door in record time, grabbing the smaller man by the shoulders and yanking him away from Kate, slamming him against the opposite wall. Matt was a muscular guy, but he was three inches shorter than Rick and not nearly as strong. Matt gazed through shocked and drunken eyes at Rick, remaining motionless for several moments before he even attempted to fight back. When he started to struggle Rick merely pushed him more firmly against the wall, holding him such that his feet dangled an inch or two off the ground.

"You come within three feet of her" Rick growled. "And I swear to God I'll kill you."

Matt attempted to struggle again, managing to slip out of Rick's grasp. "Get the hell off of me!" he shouted. "She wanted it."

Rick glanced back at Kate, who looked as horrified as he had seen her and was shaking her head vehemently. Rick placed a hand firmly in the center of Matt's chest and shoved him against the wall, crowding into his face again. "No. She didn't. And if you touch her again, it'll be the last thing you do. Do you hear me?" Rick stared Matt down for a few moments. The man glanced across the hall at Kate and then at least had the decency to look ashamed. "Get out. Now" said Rick, releasing Matt and moving to stand beside Kate.

Matt sulked off down the hall, and Rick noticed for the first time the audience they had attracted. Heads poked out of each of the doors on the hallway, looking shocked, fearful, but most of all curious. The elderly woman in 5D was looking at Kate sternly and shaking her head in disapproval, apparently of the opinion that Kate was trouble. The couple in 5A did at least look as though they might be concerned for Kate's wellbeing.

Kate forced a smile and flashed the badge on her hip. "Everything's under control" she told them. "Sorry to disturb you."

One by one the onlookers returned to their apartments, and Kate turned to unlock her own door. Her hand was shaking. Rick took the key from her gently, opening the door and ushering her in. As soon as they were in her apartment she was in his arms, curled into his chest with her head on his shoulder.

"You okay?" Rick asked softly, pressing his lips into her hair. He hated seeing her like this, hated anything that frightened her or made her feel unsafe. This wasn't entirely logical, Rick knew. She was a cop. It was just that so little ever phased Detective Kate Beckett, when something did it was truly disorienting.

"Yeah, I'm fine" Kate said, pulling back slightly. She looked calmer already. "I'm glad you showed up when you did."

"Yeah, well, what good am I if I can't be your knight in shining armor every once in a while?" said Rick, and earned a small smile from Kate.

"I've never seen him like that, Rick" said Kate. "He's in some kind of trouble, I just…I don't know…And he was pretty drunk. That didn't help."

"That doesn't mean he gets to…" Rick was unable to finish the statement. He shuddered at the thought of what might have happened if he hadn't shown up. Kate could have fought him off, of that Rick was sure. But she shouldn't have had to. She thought this man was a friend, for Christ's sake. Rick hadn't been lying when he said he would kill Matt if he hurt Kate. He'd do it and sleep well that night.

"I'm fine, Rick" said Kate, lifting his chin so that he met her gorgeous hazel eyes. She wrapped both arms around him and gave him a squeeze. "Watch a movie with me?" she asked with a smile.

Rick shifted from one foot to the other and made a face, being deliberately childish. "Do we have to watch another chick flick?" he whined. "Between you and Alexis that's all I ever watch."

Kate smirked. "You secretly love them, Mr. 'I know all the ladies from Sex and the City.'"

Rick sighed deeply."You're never gonna let me live that down, are you?"

Kate shook her head. "You're just a flaming metrosexual, Mr. Castle. I can't help it if the truth hurts."

Rick narrowed his eyes at Kate. "Is that right?" She nodded stubbornly, so Rick bent down and picked her up by the legs, tossing her over his shoulder. Kate shrieked with laughter as he dropped her on the couch and flopped down beside her.

The incident wasn't forgotten, but Kate was fine, and she didn't seem to want to talk about it anymore. No surprises there. As it was, Rick was content to do whatever Kate needed him to do. But he would certainly be keeping an eye on Matt Davis.


	3. Chapter 3

_This chapter is shorter and a little bit of a filler, but I tried to inject some humor (via Ryan and Esposito, cause who doesn't love them?) to make it more interesting. Please continue to review!_

_I still don't own anything, blah, blah, blah..._

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 3<strong>

_September 21, 2012, 2:10pm_

It was taking too long. Why the hell was it taking so long? It should have been simple. Castle's gun didn't kill Matthew Davis, he hadn't even _fired_ the damn thing in the past couple of weeks. Yet Castle was still sitting there in the interrogation room. Waiting. And he knew he was being watched. Beckett was behind the one-way glass, he could sense it. Ryan and/or Esposito and Maddox were probably there too.

Unless Maddox was just keeping him there to watch him squirm. That was actually a very real possibility. And Beckett was pissed too, she might not mind keeping him on ice for a while either. Whatever the reason, Castle wished they would hurry the hell up. They had a killer to find, and Castle wasn't doing a damn bit of good sitting on ice in interrogation with nothing better to do than keep thinking over the last few days.

Castle had some theories, of course. When didn't he have theories? But they had very little basis in evidence or fact. He didn't know what, if anything, they had found in Davis's phone or financial records. All he knew was that the man had been in some kind of trouble, he was staying in a cheap transient hotel, and he had ended up shot to death and dumped in the East River. Sounded like mob trouble, if you asked Castle. Of course no one _had_ asked Castle. They had shoved him into the wrong chair in _Interrogation1 _and let Satan's mistress have at him.

Castle wondered, not for the first time, why Maddox hated him so much. Of course he had given her a piece of his mind on a few occasions, but she had hated him long before that. Maddox had hated Castle from the moment she set foot in the Twelfth precinct. Maybe he'd ask her why. Unless of course she got him convicted of a murder he didn't commit. But Ryan and Esposito wouldn't let that happen. They had his back, if no one else did.

* * *

><p><em>September 20, 2012, 6:45pm<em>

Beckett's day had been filled with nothing but paperwork. Her team was behind on case reports, and the quarterly reports were due by midnight as well. If it hadn't been for the entertainment provided by Castle, Ryan and Esposito she would have pulled every strand of her hair out by lunchtime. Their constant teasing and bickering was better than a sitcom, no matter how annoyed Kate pretended to be at their antics.

Since the end wasn't in sight by six, Castle left to pick up dinner for everyone. Or, he _would_ have left at six, but Ryan and Esposito argued for twenty minutes over what they wanted to eat. Ryan wanted Chinese, Esposito wanted pizza. Castle thought he should choose, since he was buying, which started another argument. The boys didn't think he deserved to choose because ''you've just been hanging around distracting us all day and not working your ass off finishing these damn reports" as Esposito said.

Kate finally ended the argument. "Thai" she said firmly from her desk, and all three boys shut up and looked at her. "Get Thai."

Ryan made a face. "I don't want Thai" he whined.

But Castle nodded. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

"Come on, bro. How come you'll listen to her and not us?" said Esposito.

Castle shrugged and pulled on his coat. "Because I'm not sleeping with _you_'' he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

With that, Castle turned and exited, Ryan and Esposito glaring after him. They shot Beckett identical dirty looks, but she merely smiled smugly and went back to her paperwork.

Castle had been gone for over thirty minutes when a shadow fell across Beckett's desk. "It's about time you got back" she said with a smile, looking up from her paperwork.

Kate's smile fell when she saw that it wasn't Castle. Matt Davis was standing by the corner of her desk looking exhausted and ashamed of himself. "Can I talk to you for a second?" he asked softly.

Kate hesitated, shooting a glance at Ryan and Esposito. They had arrived at he 12th after Matt had left, and they were gazing with open-mouthed curiosity at the handsome stranger. Not that Kate thought Matt would try anything, but if he did the boys would be on him in two seconds flat. "Let's go in the break room" said Kate, standing.

Kate closed the door behind them, rolling her eyes at the boys' mouths still gaping open. She took a deep breath and turned to face Matt, who was sitting on the couch with his head in his hands.

"Kate, I am so, so sorry" he murmured before lifting his eyes to meet Beckett's. "I don't even have a reason or an excuse. I just…I'm sorry."

Matt's voice was full of sincerity, his eyes shining with anguish. Kate moved to the sofa and sank down next to him. She didn't know what to say. "It's okay" wasn't really true, it wasn't okay. Nor was "don't worry about it." She hoped that Matt would understand that he was forgiven, but the incident not forgotten, when she gave his hand a brief squeeze.

"If I was Castle I'd have killed me" said Matt with a small smile.

"You're lucky he didn't" said Kate, remembering the way Rick was shaking with rage when they first entered her apartment the night before, and the force with which he slammed Matt into the wall. "Rick might look like just a rich pretty boy, but he's tough as nails." Matt merely nodded. "What's going on, Davis? Are you in some kind of trouble?"

Matt hesitated, looking down at his shoes. "Why do you ask?"

Kate gave him a look. "I don't know, the way you're acting? I do know you pretty, well, remember? You're stressed out, worried about something."

"I guess I shouldn't even try to pull one over on you, considering you're such a brilliant detective" said Matt with a weak smile.

"What is it, Matt? Maybe I can help."

He shook his head. "I can't get you mixed up in all of this. Not with these guys. I'll be fine." He smiled and squeezed Kate's hand. "Just make sure Castle takes care of you. Don't worry about me."

* * *

><p><em>September 20, 2012, 7:11pm<em>

Castle re-entered the precinct with a bag of Thai and Chinese takeout in one hand and a pizza in the other. He wouldn't ordinarily have catered to Ryan and Esposito quite this much, but truth be told he didn't feel like Thai either. And if he was going to get pizza like Esposito wanted, he damn well better get Chinese for Ryan too.

Esposito looked up from his computer. "Took you long enough, bro" he said, glancing at his watch. "We're starving, here."

Castle raised his eyebrows. "I brought you a pizza, but if you're gonna complain I'll just take it home with me."

Esposito jerked the box out of his hand, as Ryan looked on in offense. "What…Why...?" the Irish detective motioned to the box and looked to Castle with hurt in his blue eyes.

Castle shook his head and passed the container of Sesame Chicken over to Ryan. "Where's Beckett?" he asked, glancing around as he sat on the edge of Esposito's desk and grabbed a slice of pizza.

Ryan motioned toward the break room, his mouth full of food. He swallowed and said "in there talking to some guy."

Esposito nodded, a twinkle in his brown eyes. "Good looking guy. Really _tan_, surfer guy…" He was trying to make Castle jealous. Esposito was just being Esposito, teasing Castle just like Castle always teased him, and Castle was careful not to direct his anger at Javi. But he was angry, and Kevin and Javier picked up on it.

"What's wrong, Castle?" Ryan asked through a bite of chicken and fried rice.

"That's Matt" said Castle. "We had a bit of an issue with him last night."

"Everything okay?" asked Esposito.

Castle nodded. "Fine. How did Beckett seem?"

Ryan shrugged. "Okay. The guy asked if they could talk, he seemed a little upset, and she took him into the break room."

Castle nodded and watched the break room door wordlessly until Beckett and Matt emerged a few minutes later. Matt looked at Castle with a strange mix of fear, anger and distaste on his features, and Castle didn't take his eyes from Matt's.

"Thanks, Kate" Matt murmured, and then passed the three other men rather quickly on his way to the elevator.

"Okay, boys" said Kate, her tone somewhere between affection and annoyance, "you scared him off. Everything's okay." She rolled her eyes, and that told Castle that she was fine more effectively than anything else could have. "Did you go to every restaurant in town, Castle?"

* * *

><p><em>September 21, 2012, 12:16am<em>

Kate was searching through her bag for her keys when Rick opened the door to his loft. "Having trouble, Detective?" he said with a smirk. By the looks of things, meaning the adorable way his damp hair was sticking out at odd angles and the fact that was still shirtless, he had just gotten out of the shower. _God_, Kate couldn't help thinking, _that is a beautiful man_. He kissed her lightly before ushering her into the quiet loft.

"Where's Martha?" Kate asked. Rick had left the precinct around eight, saying that he wanted to go home and spend some time with his mother. The boys had teased him about making excuses to escape from the remaining pile of paperwork, but Rick had reminded them who had paid for their dinner and shut them up rather quickly.

"Upstairs" Rick replied, flopping down on the couch with a smile. "Divas need their beauty sleep, remember?"

"How could I forget?" said Kate, sitting down next to him and snuggling into his side. "Did you two have fun?"

Rick didn't quite meet Kate's eyes when he said casually "yeah. We did." He slid closer and ran his fingers through her hair. "Did you get everything done at work?"

"Finally" said Kate with a sigh. "Maddox called at eleven fifty to make sure we had finished everything."

"Are you serious?"

"Unfortunately. I just hope she gets promoted soon. At least then she'll be out of our hair."

"Mmmhmm" said Rick, kissing her neck. "I bet tomorrow you'll have a nice, gruesome, weird murder to solve and you'll hardly have to deal with Maddox at all."

Kate shot him a look. "Are you seriously hoping someone gets murdered?"

"Of course not" Rick insisted innocently. "I'm counting on the fact that someone _always_ gets murdered in Manhattan, and I'm hoping for our sake that it's strange and brutal so that we can challenge our collective crime solving brilliance." He smiled, the corners of his sapphire eyes crinkling. Why had Kate avoided being with him for so long? She really couldn't remember.

"Uh huh" said Kate, but she let him pull her in and kiss her. The kiss quickly turned steamy, and they spoke little more than vowels until Kate's phone rang at four thirty that morning with the news that a body had been pulled out of the East River.


	4. Chapter 4

_Here again, I don't live in NYC. Don't wanna. So if the geography doesn't make sense just...get over it. :)_

_I got a comment that the time changes were confusing...sorry. The beginning of the story was dragging with everything in chronological order, so I did it this way. After this chapter it'll all be mostly in the same time frame._

_Please continue to review! I appreciate hearing your thoughts..._

* * *

><p><strong>CHAPTER 4<strong>

_September 21, 2012, 8:55am_

Matt Davis had been staying in a run-down SRO uptown, and the room told the team very little about its most recent occupant. Beckett, Castle, Ryan and Esposito went directly there from the crime scene after Lanie found the room key in Matt's pocket. Matt had checked in the morning before he came to visit Kate at the Twelfth, and security cameras showed no visitors. In fact, it appeared that Matt himself had only left the room four times: the three times he went to visit Kate, and about ten fifteen the night he died.

The team returned to the precinct just before nine in the morning, Beckett and Castle and were immediately summoned into Captain Maddox's office. "Have a seat" Maddox snapped.

Neither Castle nor Beckett complied. "What's this about, Captain?" Beckett asked.

"I understand the two of you were involved in an altercation with the victim the night before he was killed?" Maddox asked sharply.

In the interest of transparency, Beckett had reported the events that had occurred outside her apartment two nights earlier. Not only did the incident illustrate Matt's uncharacteristic behavior, but it was one of the few pieces of information they had for their timeline.

"Yes" said Beckett. Castle didn't see what the point to all of this was. They hadn't violated protocol in any way, so why should the Captain be concerned?

"Given that information, I made a few calls" Maddox informed them. "Your neighbors were very cooperative, Detective Beckett. In fact, several of them told me that Mr. Castle here threatened to kill Mr. Davis."

Castle sighed. "Yes" he said tersely. "Not my proudest moment. I was pretty angry when I said it."

"So where were you last night?" Maddox asked.

Castle's eyes shot to Beckett briefly before he answered. "I was here until around eight, and then I went home."

"That's funny" said the Captain with a wicked gleam in her eye. "Because your mother said you didn't get in until nearly ten o'clock, and then you went out again." She turned her attention to Beckett. "What was our window for time of death, Detective? Sometime between eight and midnight?"

"Davis was seen leaving his hotel after ten, Captain" Castle corrected.

"Which was when you left your apartment" said Maddox, looking at Castle with a mix of amusement and hatred. "Were you going to meet Mr. Davis, by chance?"

Beckett was staring at Castle with a rage and hurt that would have crippled an ordinary man. Castle felt more than a little queasy under her gaze. "Captain," said Beckett, never taking her eyes off Castle, "I'd like to have a private word with Castle, if you don't mind."

"By all means, Detective" said Maddox with a wave of her hand. "It seems you have a lot to talk about. But keep in mind that this is a murder investigation, and Mr. Castle is now a suspect."

Castle followed Beckett wordlessly into an unoccupied observation room. Ryan and Esposito gave them questioning looks as they passed, but Beckett ignored them completely and Castle merely mouthed "I'll tell you later."

Beckett slammed the door forcefully after waiting for Castle to enter. She stood in silence with her hand on the knob for a long moment, before asking in a lethal whisper. "Would you care to explain?"

Castle sighed. "Look, I had some things to do last night that I couldn't talk to you about, so I told you I was home with Mother."

"So talk to me about them now" Beckett snapped.

Castle laughed harshly, bewildered by her anger and her lack of trust. "I_ can't_, Kate."

''You lied to me during a murder investigation!" Kate shouted. "The murder of a man you threatened the day before! It didn't cross your mind that you might be a suspect? Especially after lying about your alibi?"

"No. It _didn't_ cross my mind, because I didn't kill him!'' Castle insisted, his anger building now.

"Castle, you're my partner" said Kate. "You have to trust me."

"Funny, I was just going to say the same thing to you" Castle shot back.

"I'm not the one who lied, here. If you killed him..."

"Shit" Castle muttered, running a hand through his hair. "I can't believe you actually think I killed Matt Davis."

"I can't see any other reason why you wouldn't tell me what you were doing last night" Kate shouted. Then her face abruptly turned from angry to hurt. No…_devastated_. "Were you with another woman?"

"No" Rick said violently.

"Rick, if that's what it was just tell-"

"_No_, Kate. I wasn't."

"Then where were you?"

"I was buying a goddamned engagement ring!" Rick shouted.

Kate's face went from angry to confused to shocked in a matter of seconds. "You…what?"

"I was going to" Rick clarified. "But then I realized it was probably too soon, and I figured you'd freak out. Which, judging by the look on your face, you are. So I looked around for a while and then left. I went home, talked to Mother for a few minutes, and then went out running."

Throughout Rick's explanation Kate just stared in silence, her face unreadable. Whatever emotion she was feeling, it certainly wasn't happiness. Rick could tell that much. Her mouth opened and then snapped closed, and she stared at him for a moment before turning, wrenching the door open, and slamming it shut behind her.

A few moments later, the observation room door opened again. Ryan and Esposito entered looking completely bewildered. "Uh" said Ryan, glancing his shoulder. "We're supposed to take you into interrogation."

Castle nodded, and Esposito took another step in his direction. "What's goin' on here, bro?" he asked. "Maddox said you threatened Davis and then lied about your alibi?"

Castle began quietly, telling the story as efficiently as possible without leaving out the pertinent details. "Kate went to drinks with him two nights ago. She texted me on the way home, and when I got to her place Davis was kissing her in the hall. She was trying to push him off, but he was drunk and didn't take the hint." Ryan and Esposito stiffened protectively, their expressions darkening. "I pulled him off, roughed him up a little, and told him to take off. I did threaten him, but…"

Kevin and Javier nodded in understanding. They'd have done the same, Castle knew. It was Esposito who asked "and last night?"

"I told Kate I was with Mother because I was going to Tiffany's to look at engagement rings."

Ryan grinned, and Esposito clapped him on the back. "Congrats, Castle" said Ryan.

Castle shook his head. "I didn't end up getting one, I figured Kate would get spooked if I did. So I went home and talked to mother for a bit, then went for a run."

Ryan pulled out a pad of paper. "Where?" he asked.

"On of my regular loops, up 8th to west 42nd then back down 9th."

Javi and Kevin had done this run with him before, so they were familiar with the route. Kevin jotted down the information. "We'll look into it" he promised.

"We got your back, bro" said Esposito, then his expression turned apprehensive. "We've still gotta take you down the hall" he said apologetically.

"It's fine, man" said Castle. "Do what you've gotta do." He followed them in silence into Interrogation 1.

* * *

><p><em>September 21, 2012, 2:15pm<em>

"Cap'n, ballistics came back on Castle's gun." said Esposito, striding into the observation room and trying not to look smug. Ryan, Beckett and Maddox were waiting, staring through the glass at Castle with varied looks: Maddox with animosity, Ryan with sympathy, Beckett with carefully concealed worry. Esposito handed the ballistics report to the Captain. "It's not a match" he said, managing to do a pretty damn good job at keeping the gloating tone out of his voice. At least he thought so.

Ryan, who knew nothing about being subtle, grinned his "I-told-you-so" grin, and Beckett breathed a nearly audible sigh of relief.

Maddox's eyes narrowed. "He could have used another weapon, then dumped it'' she insisted. "He still has no alibi."

Esposito shook his head. This woman just couldn't let it _go_. Castle was no killer. Well, except for that one time. But that didn't really count, did it? "Just heard from the uniforms on canvass" he told them. "Homeless guy down on west 42nd saw Castle running by at around eleven fifteen. That's on the opposite side of town from where the body was found and right in the middle of our widow for time of death."

"He's sure about the time?" Beckett asked, her tone so hopeful it nearly broke Esposito's heart.

"Positive" Esposito confirmed. "He was waiting outside his usual restaurant. They close at eleven, cleanup guys bring the trash out at 11:15 every night, then he goes through it. They had just dropped it in the alley when he saw Castle pass by."

"He could have been running away from the crime scene" said Maddox.

Ryan spoke up. "Mama Cas-I mean, Ms. Rogers said he left the loft just after ten thirty and didn't have a weapon with him."

"And our witness said he wasn't carrying one with him at 11:15" Esposito added. "He said he was just jogging, not _running away_ from anything. Why would he jog from the crime scene and not take a car? Besides, time of death was between ten thirty and midnight. If Castle was at his apartment after ten thirty and _jogging_ on West 42nd at eleven fifteen, didn't have a weapon either of those times, and then was home before midnight, there's no way he could've killed Davis."

Esposito could see Maddox's frustration building. He knew she disliked Castle -and let's be honest, the guy could be a hand full- but wanting to convict him of murder? Dude.

"We still have almost forty-five minutes of Castle's evening unaccounted for" Maddox insisted.

''Captain" said Beckett "I know you're not a Castle fan. But he's not the killer. Face it, he wouldn't have had time to get a weapon, meet up with Matt, kill him, dump him in the water, dump the weapon, and then make it home. I suggest we get back to our investigation and stop trying to convict an innocent man."

Maddox glared daggers at Beckett. "Detective, you're off this investigation."

Beckett started to protest, but Esposito spoke first, knowing that she would only get herself into further trouble. "With all due respect, Captain, I would appreciate Detective Beckett's and Mr. Castle's assistance on this case."

"Their knowledge of the victim's history and behavior in the last days is crucial to our investigation" Ryan added in his best "I'm a professional" tone.

Maddox turned on them, but they stood tall under her scrutiny. "Fine" she snapped, "but Detective Esposito is running point. And if any of you put a toe out of line I'll have you suspended. Is that understood?"

"Yes, Captain" said Esposito, and Ryan echoed. Esposito saw Beckett out of the corner of his eye, looking as if she wanted nothing more than to tell Maddox exactly what she thought of her orders, but she wisely kept silent. Maddox strode out of the room looking agitated and disappointed.

Ryan sniffed with laughter. "All right _boss_" he jokingly said to Esposito, who rather liked the sound of that. Or would have, if the little punk had been serious. "What's our first move?" Ryan asked in tone of mock seriousness.

"Let's go give Castle the good news" said Esposito "and then figure out what the hell our vic was up to these past few days."


	5. Chapter 5

_I am SO SORRY! I know that it's taken me forever to update this, and I really do try to be quick with the updates. Lots of stuff has been going on: 1) I got kinda stuck, even though I know where the story was going I didn't like how I was getting there. Had to rethink it. 2) I threw a bachelorette weekend for my oldest friend, who is getting married in a couple of weeks. Planning and executing ensued, leaving less time for writing. 3) I started my second year of med school...whoopee, hallelujah, and all that shit. _

_The point is, SORRY, and I'll try to do better from now on. The next chapter is almost completely written, so I hope to have at least that one up in the next couple of days. _

_Please review!_

* * *

><p><strong>CHAPTER 5<strong>

_September 21, 2:56pm_

Esposito and Ryan were going through Matthew Davis's phone and financial records with a fine-toothed comb. Ryan had performed a cursory examination of his financials that morning while Castle was on ice, but hadn't come up with much. It was fairly simple: Matthew Davis had no money.

Beckett and Castle were down at the morgue with Lanie, who had just finished the autopsy. Beckett hadn't wanted Castle to go. Ryan frankly didn't see what she was so mad about, the guy hadn't done anything wrong as far as he could tell. He threatened Davis, it was true, but Ryan would have done the same under those circumstances and he wasn't even _with_ Beckett -ew. Castle had lied about where he was the night Davis died. Also true, but Ryan didn't blame the guy at all for not wanting to tell Becket he was thinking about proposing. Not a bit. Unless she was mad that he was thinking about proposing? That made no sense. Then again, who could figure out women?_ Especially_ Detective Kate Beckett.

At least Esposito was in charge and had been able to remove _that_ particular unbelievably tense situation from the bullpen. Beckett had told Castle to stay, Esposito had told Castle to go. Beckett had glared at Esposito, but he had merely reminded her "hey, I'm in charge on this one, Boss. And I say Castle goes to the morgue."

So Castle went to the morgue, mouthing "thank you" to Esposito before running off after his woman, who was already halfway to the elevator by that time. Hopefully those two would work their crap out before they got back. The stress was giving Ryan a headache.

Boss Javi was on the phone with Davis's associates from Los Angeles while Ryan poured through the financials again. There was something strange going on with this guy Davis, that was for sure.

Esposito muttered his thanks to the LAPD officer and hung up. "You find anything?" he asked, turning his chair to face Ryan.

Ryan nodded. "There was a credit card charge at a cafe in Brooklyn the day Davis got into town, so I called up there. The manager remembered him having breakfast with a woman: dark hair, late twenties, attractive. He's on his way in to sit with a sketch artist now." Ryan paused, rifling through the stack of papers on his desk and pulling out the bank statements he had been reviewing. "Also, six months ago Davis withdrew his entire savings, $20,000 cash. After that he was barely breaking even on rent and his other bills, until he stopped depositing his paychecks three months ago."

"That's because he was fired three months ago" Esposito informed him.

"What? Why?" Ryan asked, his voice a bit too loud in his shock. A trio of passing uniforms glanced at him in barely-concealed amusement.

"Mishandling evidence" said Esposito. "Davis was the lead in a case where a lawyer was beaten to death. They were looking at a bookie, Daniel 'the Badger' Sullivan, but Davis lost track of key information. They think he did it on purpose but IA down there couldn't prove anything."

"Think maybe this guy was in deep with the Badger and it got him whacked?"

Esposito shrugged. "Maybe. Let's keep diggin' on that and see if we can find our boy's lady friend."

* * *

><p><em>September 21, 2:58pm<em>

Kate drove toward the morgue in stony silence, Rick riding mutely in the passenger seat. He kept casting anxious, confused glances in her direction, but she was too deep in thought to pay much attention.

Rick wanted to propose? That thought scared the living crap out of her. Yes, she had been thinking just a few days earlier about spending the rest of her life with him, but that had been in the very abstract sense. They had only been dating for a few months, and with his track record Kate wasn't ready to walk down the isle just yet. Though Kate knew he loved her and had no doubts that he was dedicated to the relationship, there was still that small part of Kate that feared Castle would get tired of her. And obviously he wasn't sure either, otherwise he would've bought the ring instead of chickening out. Though he had said that he did it because he knew _she_ would freak out, he said nothing about what _he_ had wanted to do.

Did she want to marry him at all? The obvious answer was yes, but she was afraid. Hadn't he loved Meredith and Gina too? Hadn't he been devoted to them as well? And everyone knew how _that _adventure had turned out.

Kate had thought she trusted Rick completely, but she had realized something when he was accused of murder earlier that day: she wasn't sure that Castle didn't have it in him to commit murder. He had a dark side. Richard Castle, the man who's bed she shared just about every night, _was _capable of killing. He had proved that with her mother's killer, whom he had shot in the back without hesitation. If it came down to protecting her, or Alexis or Martha, Kate had no doubt that Castle wouldn't think twice about taking the life of the person who was threatening them. Killing in self defense or in the defense of loved ones was one thing, but _murder_? In his books and at the precinct, Kate was often astounded by his ability to get inside the minds of cold-blooded killers. Castle could think like a murderer, but could he _be_ one? He hadn't killed Matt, of that she was sure, but how could she be with him when she had these doubts?

They didn't speak as they made their way into the OCME and down to Lanie's lair in the basement of the large stone building. Castle followed wordlessly, his expression-when Beckett actually snuck a glimpse at him-was confused and more than a little hurt. He obviously had no idea what was going on.

"Hey" Lanie greeted as they entered. She was at the table looking over some files, which she quickly closed before heading toward the body of Matt Davis, which was laying covered from the shoulders down on the farthest table from the door. She stopped as she saw the expressions on their faces. "Okay…what's goin' on with you two?"

"Can we just go over the report, please? You said you found something?" Beckett shot at her friend. She knew Lanie would force an explanation out of her later-probably over a bottle of cheap vodka-but she wasn't in the mood to discuss it at the moment, especially not in front of Castle.

Lanie looked irritated and suspicious, but didn't push. "Mmmhmmm" was her only comment on the subject before starting in on her autopsy findings.

"Mr. Davis here had a rough couple of weeks" Lanie began. "Aside from the obvious cause of death, there are a number of bruises of varying ages on his body. The oldest" said Lanie, pulling the sheet down to reveal greenish-yellow bruises across Matt's ribcage, "are here on his ribs, I'm putting them about two weeks old. A couple of cracked ribs resulted from the blows. Somebody gave your friend quite the beating. Then there's these…" The ME rolled Matt's lifeless body slightly, revealing fresher-looking blue-black bruises across his shoulders. She then indicated the hand-shaped bruises of the same shade near his deltoids. "They were probably inflicted within the last couple of days, from the looks of it I'd say someone grabbed him and slammed him against a wall."

"That would be me" Castle offered quietly.

Lanie raised her eyebrows and looked from Castle to Beckett, but neither offered any further explanation. The doctor continued. "I also have a pre-mortem bruise on his stomach, and another here on his cheek." Both were unmistakably fist-shaped. "Lack of swelling and pigmentation leads me to believe that these were inflicted within the hour before his death. The last of the bruising is peri-mortem." Lanie peeled the sheet away from his legs and pointed out the faint markings on his thighs and calves. "Looking at these and the lack of blood on our victim's clothing I'd say he was killed by the water and fell in when he was shot, rather than being dumped afterward."

"What can you tell us about the GSW?" Beckett asked, trying to focus on the bullet wound and not on the pale, slack, lifeless face of her former colleague, friend and lover.

Lanie re-covered Matt's legs and torso and moved up to his head. "He was shot execution-style in the right parietal region. Powder burns indicate that the muzzle of the pistol was no more than a few inches away from the victim's skull. The bullet traveled down and to the left, lodging in the medial left temporal lobe. He would've been dead within seconds, probably before he hit the water."

"And the weapon?" Beckett prompted.

"You're looking for a 9mm Glock of some kind. The round wasn't very fragmented, so you find the weapon and ballistics'll have no trouble matchin' it for ya."

Beckett jotted down a few notes and then addressed the ME again. "Anything else?"

"Davis's blood alcohol content was .03" Lanie informed them, "and his intestinal contents had traces of beer. No food, no other drugs in his system, nothing. Your boy was in excellent health except for the beatings. The only other significant findings were slight abrasions on his knuckles. I'd say he at least attempted to fight back."

"Still sticking with a TOD between 10:30 and midnight?" Beckett asked

"I thought I said ten and midnight" Lanie corrected, giving Beckett a "what the hell is wrong with you?" look.

"Oh, you did" said Beckett. "We have security footage showing that he was alive at 10:30. Sorry"

"Okay. Now you wanna explain to me why Javi's callin' the shots on this one, and why Motor Mouth over there hasn't said four words since you guys got here?"

"I was just enjoying your fascinating explanation, Dr. Parrish" said Castle, though without his usual smirk.

"Mmmhmm" said Lanie. "This conversation is not over." She pointed an accusatory finger at Kate, but Beckett ignored it.

"See you later, Lanie" said Kate with a tone of finality, turning and exiting the morgue.

"What the hell am I gonna do with those two?" Lanie asked Matt's corpse as the door swung shut behind Castle.

* * *

><p><em>September 21, 4:04pm<em>

By the time they arrived at the 12th Precinct, Castle had had enough. As they stepped off the elevator he grabbed Kate's arm and dragged her to the nearest observation room, ignoring her protests. Though the other officers cast curious glances in their direction, no one said a word. They were used to the pair's antics by now; with Rick Castle around, you never knew what could happen.

"Castle what the hell?" Beckett snapped as Castle pulled her into the vacant observation room and closed the door behind himself. Her face was no longer a thoughtful mask as it had been during the trip to the morgue. Now it was just angry.

"Talk" Castle snapped, now angry himself.

"Excuse me?"

"Talk. Scream. Hit me. Whatever. I don't know what I did to piss you off so damn bad, but I'm not gonna spend the rest of the day walking on egg shells around you and wondering about it. You at least owe me the courtesy of an explanation."

"I'm not getting into this conversation with you here" said Beckett, moving toward the door. "We have work to do."

Castle blocked her path. "Hell no" he snapped. "I let you walk out of here, and you'll shut me out even more.''

Castle stood his ground as Beckett sized him up. She seemed to be trying to determine whether or not she could get around him, and how much physical pain she was going to have to inflict to do so. She was using her "perp stare," as Castle had come to call it, the one that intimidated even the most hardened criminals. But not Castle. Well, that was a lie. It did intimidate him, he just wasn't going to let her see that.

For once, Beckett broke first. "You lied to me" she said, her voice almost a growl.

"I know I did. And I'm sorry" said Castle, "but you have to understand on some level why I didn't want to tell you what I was doing."

"Thinking about _proposing_? Honestly, we've only been together six months-"

"No. We've been _dating _six months" Castle interjected. "We've been together, as a team, for four years. And I've been in love with you for three of those. I love you, you love me, and I know for a fact you've thought about marrying me. So don't make this about a fucking timeline."

"That's just it!'' Kate all but shouted. "We've been a 'team', as you say, for four years, and I still feel like I don't know you! How can I marry someone I don't even know?"

"What do you mean you 'don't know me'?" asked Castle, bewildered and more than a little hurt. "You spend practically every night in my bed, you know my mother, my daughter…"

"Do you know why I freaked out when Maddox first accused you of killing Matt?" Kate asked. Castle shook his head. "I wondered if you really could have done it. As much as I wanted to believe that you weren't capable of killing him, I wondered. The way you shot Markaway in the back, without even hesitating, the way you threatened Matt, the way you're able to get into the minds of the killers we chase…I wondered."

Castle was speechless, a rare occurrence. Kate's words carried the force of a kick in the stomach, knocking every bit of air from his lungs. Did she really think so little of him?

Kate seemed to sense this, and her voice softened. "Every time I've seen you get violent it's been to protect me. I know that. But Rick…" she paused, sighing deeply. "I've opened up to you about every aspect of my life. About my mother and what her case did to me, about my dad's drinking, about Royce, about my relationships with Will and Josh, _everything_. Opening up like that isn't easy for me, and you're one of maybe two people that I've talked to about those things. You talk to me about Alexis. You joke about your mother and complain about Meredith and Gina and Paula. That's the extent of what you've told me about yourself."

"That's not-" Castle began, but Beckett interrupted.

"Yes it is!" she insisted. "Think about it, Rick. You've been married twice, and you've never mentioned why either of those relationships ended. I know Kyra Blane was 'the one that got away' and that you dated for three years, but that's all you'd tell me about her. I don't know anything about your childhood, why you started writing, where your fascination with death and murder comes from, who your friends were. You've never said anything about growing up without a father. You don't talk to me. I don't know anything about you! How can you blame me for wondering what you might have done if you thought Matt might hurt me again?"

Kate sighed deeply, running a hand through her long brown waves. "It's not that I'm mad, exactly. It just got me thinking, and wondering if I really want to be in a relationship with a man who doesn't share such huge parts of himself with me. It should be a two way street, Rick. And right now it isn't."

Kate gazed at Rick for a moment, her expression unreadable, before making her way back toward the closed observation room door. Still to stunned to move or speak, Rick did nothing to prevent her exit as she brushed past. But as the door clicked shut behind her, one crucially important fact dawned on him:

Kate was completely right.


	6. Chapter 6

_As promised, a much more prompt update. This chapter is much longer than the others, but I didn't wanna stop after the first 2 sections and the 3rd section ended up being longer than I expected. Oh well._

_Thanks for your kind reviews!  
><em>

* * *

><p><em>September 22, 8:45am<em>

"Miss Christiansen I'm Detective Kate Beckett, this is Detective Ryan. We'd like to ask you a few questions regarding Matthew Davis" Beckett informed the twenty-something brunette peering through the crack of her apartment door at the two badges being flashed in her direction.

Ryan and Esposito had managed to track down Zoe Christiansen, the woman who had coffee with Davis the morning he flew into New York. The cafe owner had provided them with a sketch, and the manager of a local bodega had been able to give them a name. Zoe had a clean record, nothing but a few traffic citations. Nevertheless, she didn't' seem thrilled to see the two detectives at her door.

"I don't know any Matthew Davis" she said, her brown eyes not quite meeting Beckett's.

"Really?'' Beckett replied, clipping her badge back to her belt. "Then why do I have a witness who saw the two of you having breakfast together on Tuesday morning?"

"I-I don't know."

"Listen, we can either talk here or take you back to the 12th and put you in a lineup. Your choice."

Zoe Christiansen hesitated, then opened the door and ushered Beckett and Ryan into her small but orderly Brooklyn apartment. She made her way to the living area and motioned for them to sit. Ryan did so, but Beckett merely leaned against the armrest.

"What was your relationship with Matt Davis?" Beckett asked curtly.

"I'm his cousin" Zoe answered before a look of shock and worry crossed her attractive features. "What do you mean, 'was'?"

"Mr. Davis was killed last night" Ryan informed her, his tone professional but sympathetic.

Christiansen paled. "What? How? What happened to him?"

"That's what we're trying to determine, Miss Christiansen" said Ryan. "It would be helpful if you'd answer a couple of questions for us." Christiansen nodded her consent, though she still appeared too stunned to speak. "Were the two of you close?"

"We used to be" Christiansen answered, still clearly in shock, her olive skin slightly green. "I lived Upstate until I was eighteen when I came to NYU, but when we were kids Matt and his folks used to come and spend a few weeks with us during the summer. We kept in touch when I was in college, but we drifted apart before he moved to LA." She swallowed hard, still staring at the coffee table in wide-eyed shock. "He called on Monday to say he was coming back, wanted to meet with me."

"What did the two of you talk about?" Beckett asked. She was almost one hundred percent sure that this woman had nothing to do with Matt's death, her shock in learning of his death was genuine. But that didn't mean that Zoe couldn't shed some light on Matt's strange behavior.

"Not much, honestly" Zoe replied, snapping out of her haze slightly. "Matt was….different. Used to be you couldn't shut him up about work, surfing, whatever girl he was with at that moment. But on Tuesday...I kept trying to get him to talk, but he didn't have much to say until I flat out asked him what he was doing back in New York."

"And what did he say?" Beckett asked.

Christiansen sighed deeply, closing her eyes. "I didn't wanna talk to you and get Matt in trouble, but I guess it doesn't...How much do you know about why Matt left New York five years ago?"

Beckett exchanged a glance with Ryan, who looked as clueless as she felt. "Not much" Beckett replied.

Zoe shook her head. "It can't get him in trouble now, can it?" She paused, apparently gathering her thoughts. Ryan waited patiently while Beckett mentally begged the woman to cut to the damn chase. "Matt has-_had_ a gambling problem. He's always made bets; poker, 'bet you five bucks I can beat you to the other side of the creek,' that kind of thing. But about ten years ago it started getting worse. None of us knew the extent of it until Matt had to up and leave New York because he was in over his head with a bookie."

"You know the guy's name?" Ryan asked.

"Sanchez" said Zoe. "Matt called him Sanchez."

"How much did he owe?" asked Beckett.

"Forty grand" said Christiansen softly. "Sanchez and some other guys beat Matt up real bad, told him that they wouldn't be so forgiving next time. So Matt got out of town, changed all of his numbers, didn't tell anybody outside of work where he was going. He had made sure Sanchez didn't know how to get in touch with any of his family or friends, so he didn't know how to find Matt."

"But he came back?" Beckett asked. "Wasn't he afraid that Sanchez would find out he was in town?"

"That's what I asked Matt. He said he had to get out of LA because of some guy named Badger. Matt told me that he had worked something out with Sanchez, that he'd be working off his debt. He said that Badger made Sanchez look like a teddy bear, and that he'd rather settle with Sanchez than deal with Badger."

Beckett made a few notes and then asked the standard question. "I'm sorry, Miss Christiansen, but I have to ask: where were you between ten thirty and midnight last night?"

Christiansen looked slightly surprised at the question, but answered without hesitation. "At work. I'm a nurse at the ER at St. Joseph's, I'm working nights this week."

"Just one more question, Miss Christiansen," Ryan began, "were you aware that Matt was fired from the LAPD three months ago?"

"I'm sorry, no" Zoe replied. "I can't say that I'm surprised, though, to tell you the truth. Matt was having some serious problems."

* * *

><p><em>September 22, 9:12am<em>

"Yo Castle" Esposito called across the bullpen as he hung up from his call with Beckett, "look up 'Sanchez' for me, anybody with a record for bookmaking, racketeering, assault, anything related." Castle nodded wordlessly, turning his attention back to Beckett's computer screen.

Beckett and Ryan had gone to interview Zoe Christiansen, leaving before Castle had arrived that morning. Esposito was frankly surprised that Castle had come in at all after what had gone down the day before. Beckett had been pissed all day, even after they had proved Castle innocent. Then when they had come back from visiting Lanie, they holed up in an observation room for several minutes, each of which Esposito had spent debating with Ryan over whether they should go in and keep Beckett from murdering Castle.

Eventually both had emerged unscathed, at least physically. Beckett had looked upset instead of angry, and Castle's expression had been filled with guilt and hurt instead of confusion. Castle had gone home without a word to anyone, while Beckett had thrown herself back into the case with a rarely-seen vengeance.

Whatever had happened in there, neither Beckett nor Castle was talking. But Esposito was a detective, dammit, and he'd figure out what the deal was as soon as he saw the two of them together. As good as their poker faces were, as soon as he saw them interact Esposito would know what had gone down between them.

Beckett had just called and informed him of the fact that Davis was in trouble with a bookie, Sanchez, and confirmed Esposito's hunch that "Badger" was after him as well. This Davis guy was in some serious trouble.

"Hey I think I've got something" Castle called from behind Beckett's computer. Esposito rose and made his way over as Castle continued. "Manuel Sanchez, thirty five, current address is in Midtown. Convicted of A and B in 2003, spent three years in Rikers. Currently on probation for racketeering."

"Looks like a definite possibility" Esposito remarked, glancing over the rap sheet on the screen in front of him. He found it mildly disturbing that Castle hadn't asked any questions about _why_ he was looking up Sanchez. Castle would normally press for every possible detail before sitting down and shutting up. Though normally he'd also be with Beckett and not here with Esposito. It was beginning to look like trouble in paradise for Caskett.

"So it turns out Zoe Christiansen is Davis's cousin." Esposito told Castle, who was only half paying attention. "Beckett said Davis told Christiansen that he left Manhattan five years ago because he was up to his eyeballs in debt to a guy named Sanchez. He came _back _when he got in trouble with a Daniel Sullivan-"

"The Badger" Castle interjected.

Esposito nodded. "Yeah. Apparently Davis had worked out some kinda deal with Sanchez so that he could come back to New York."

"You're thinking Sanchez maybe decided to kill him instead of stick to the deal?" Castle finally seemed to be fully in the room, snapping out of his preoccupied funk to some extent.

"Or Badger tracked him down."

Castle shrugged. "That's possible, too."

"I'ma get a warrant for Badger's financials and check and see if he's made any trips to New York in the past couple days."

"You really think he'd come himself?"

"No" Esposito replied, "but if he paid somebody to do his dirty work we might get lucky, find a record. In the meantime, when Ryan and Beckett get back we'll go pick up Sanchez and see what he has to say for himself."

Esposito had barely gotten started on the affidavit for the warrant against Badger when his fellow detectives returned from Zoe Christiansen's apartment. Ryan approached his desk wordlessly, paying more attention to the potential Castle/Beckett train wreck before them than to anything else. Esposito scarcely noticed this, since he was doing the same.

Beckett's shoulders visibly relaxed when she saw Castle sitting at her desk. As much as the woman pretended to be annoyed by the writer, Esposito knew as well as anybody else how much she, along with the rest of the precinct-Maddox excluded-enjoyed having him around. And apparently she had been afraid he wouldn't come back after yesterday.

Castle noticed her approach and quickly extricated himself from Beckett's chair, having been scolded for sitting in it numerous times before. They stood face to face for a long moment, Castle on one side of the desk and Beckett on the other. They were having one of those silent conversation that they always had, the ones Ryan and Esposito always interrupted, inadvertently or otherwise. It was creepy how they did that, but Esposito couldn't deny being a little bit jealous of the connection they shared.

After staring at each other in silence for a moment, Castle held out the cup of coffee he had brought to Beckett. She accepted it without speaking, taking her seat as Castle took his. _What the hell? _Esposito thought. He exchanged glances with Ryan, who shrugged, and the two detectives made their way to Beckett's desk. She and Castle still hadn't spoken, but the silence was less tense than before.

"What've we got?" Beckett asked. Castle turned in his chair to face the other two detectives.

"Castle found a guy we think might be Sanchez" Esposito informed her. "There's nothing other than the name to tie him to Davis, but I thought we'd go see if he can shed any light." Beckett nodded and stood again, gathering her things.

"Castle, you gonna ride with us?" Ryan asked, glancing apprehensively at Beckett.

Beckett shot Ryan a questioning look. "He's with me, Ryan" she said, the ''duh'' silent but understood. Castle smiled and fell into step beside her as they headed toward the elevator.

"I will never understand those two" Ryan remarked.

"Seriously, bro" Esposito agreed, gathering his coat, badge and gun and making his way to the elevator. "Whatcha think happened yesterday?"

"Who knows?"

"Are you guys coming, or are you just gonna stand around gossiping all day?" Beckett called from the elevator as the doors opened behind she and her partner. Esposito and Ryan jogged to catch up, stepping into the elevator behind them.

* * *

><p><em>September 21, 11:23pm<em>

Kate opened the door almost immediately, as if she had been waiting for him. "Come in" she said quietly, moving aside so that he could step into the tidy apartment.

"Kyra left me" Rick began without preamble. "She told me she needed space and left for London. I didn't go after her."

Kate sat on the couch and pulled her pajama-clad knees up to her chin, waiting. She had obviously just gotten out of the shower, her hair was still wet and the scent of cherries from her body wash was almost overwhelming. She nodded slightly at the other end of the couch, and Rick understood her invitation.

"When I saw Kyra again two years ago, she told me that she had wanted me to come after her" Rick continued as he sat. "Part of me wanted to and part of me was just hurt, not to mention young and stupid. I had just released my third book, and I had women all over me. I was twenty two years old, and I figured what the hell? I sort of drowned my sorrows in my fame, cliche as that sounds, and did a lot of really stupid things.

"It was around that time that I met Meredith. She was young and beautiful and fun and talented, not someone I ever saw myself settling down with. But I think I did love her, at least as much as I could love someone at the time. Then along came Alexis, and everything changed for me."

"Alexis was an accident" Kate remarked, as if she had suspected as much all along.

Rick nodded. "Not that I would trade her for anything, but she wasn't what you'd call planned. When I found out I was shocked, but I decided that I wanted my child to have the kind of life I never did: two parents, stable home…so I tried to do the right thing. I proposed, married Meredith, stopped partying and sleeping around. I think Meredith did too, for a while. She was excited about the idea of Alexis, but once Alexis got here…" Rick swallowed hard around the lump that always formed in his throat at the painful memory. "For me, Alexis was the greatest thing in my life, even though I was only twenty four. Meredith still wanted to party and have fun, and she wanted to have all of my attention on her. Alexis got in the way of those things for her.

"When Alexis was two Black Pawn organized a book tour for me. Just three days. I almost missed my flight as it was, because Meredith and I got into a huge argument over me asking her to stay home with Alexis while I was away. I spent full weeks alone with her sometimes when Meredith was working, and all I was asking for was for her to spend three days with her daughter. I even had Mother look in on them a couple of times, I was so concerned. I ended up coming home early because Mother called and said that Alexis was really unhappy. When I got there, Meredith was in our bed with one of her costars."

"Oh God, Rick" Kate murmured, taking his hand.

"I actually stayed with her for almost six months after that" Rick continued with a self-deprecating smile. "I don't know why. I wanted to try and make it work for Alexis's sake, I guess, and part of me blamed myself. Alexis and I came home from the park one afternoon and Meredith was gone. No note, she had just taken all of her stuff and left. I got the divorce papers a week later, which was about the same time I heard through the grapevine that she was living with her director, who she'd been sleeping with for a couple of months. Alexis cried herself to sleep for weeks after that, she thought it was her fault."

"What did you tell her?"

"That it was mine" Rick answered, unable to keep his voice as steady as he would have liked. "Meredith finally called and promised to come back for Alexis's birthday. She didn't show. Alexis was only three, but she still knew that her mother had said she was going to be there and wasn't. Gina," said Rick, sighing deeply as he changed topics from one ex-wife to another, "had been my publisher for several years. She was strong, independent, powerful, and she's a good person. She's a control freak, but she's a good person. And she wanted Richard Castle the author, not Rick Castle the divorced single dad. The only problem was, I didn't figure that out until after I married her.

"We argued all the time: I wasn't working enough, she was too controlling and high maintenance, about my mother, my daughter. It went on and on. She managed our marriage like a business, and I was so protective of Alexis that I wouldn't let Gina be a part of her life. We made it longer than I had with Meredith, five years instead of three. But I shouldn't have married Gina either.

"The other things you asked me about don't have easy answers. I never knew what it would've been like to have a stable father figure, and you can't really miss what you never had. I just always imagined that he was some powerful, brilliant man, a monarch or a politician or a spy. I just got used to the men coming and going from Mother's life. Not that it didn't hurt, I just never knew any different. As far as friends go, I never really had any. Except for Derek."

"Derek?" Kate asked. She was sitting closer to him now, the fingers of one hand threaded through Ricks while the other hand rested on his thigh.

Rick leaned back against the couch and squeezed her hand slightly. "Derek Sawyer. He lived in the apartment next to ours, we met when we were five. We used to play together all the time. We'd go to the park, have sleepovers, he'd come with me to Mother's rehearsals and play backstage, we were practically inseparable.

"One afternoon after school I went across the hall to get Derek. It was a nice day in November, and my nanny was gonna take us to the park for a few hours. I knocked for a while, but he didn't come to the door so my nanny and I headed to the park. We came back an hour or so later and there were all these cops in front of the building. My nanny took me upstairs, and we stepped off the elevator at the same time they were bringing Derek's body into the hall. They didn't use body bags at that time, just sheets. And the sheet had slipped off of his face."

"Oh, Rick I'm so sorry" Kate murmured, sliding the hand that had been on his thigh up to his shoulder.

"His mother killed him" Rick said, his voice breaking slightly. He cleared his throat and continued. "We never found out why. Derek's dad was never home, so he had no clue that anything was wrong. Derek was seven. I've always wondered whether there was something I could've done, you know, if I had noticed something or if I had been there that afternoon."

"She might have killed you too, Rick" Kate told him gently. "And you were seven, there was no way you could've known."

"I know" said Rick, smiling weakly. "It's just never made any sense to me, how people can do such horrible things to other people, especially children. I guess that's why I write about what I write about, at least I get to give the story some sort of happy ending."

"Rick…why haven't you told me any of this before now?" Kate asked. Her tone wasn't accusatory, merely curious and concerned.

"I don't like to talk about it, Kate" Rick told her. "I don't like to dwell on the past or let it bring me down."

"You mean like I do" said Kate, her brow furrowing as she leaned away from him.

"I didn't mean it like that" Rick insisted. "You lost your _mother_, and you lost her in the most horrific way possible. I didn't go through anything as life-altering as that. And even if that weren't the case, everyone deals with these things differently. I'm not judging you, Kate."

"I just wish you would've trusted me enough to tell me"

Rick jumped to his feet in anger and irritation. "It had nothing to do with trust! I'm _ashamed_ Kate. I have two failed marriages that I shouldn't have been in in the first place. Until I started coming to the 12th, I could count the number of real friends I had on one hand. The only thing I have to show for my life, other than my daughter, is a few books. I don't like to talk about it."

Rick sighed deeply, running his hands through his hair. "Look, you were right about it not being a two way street. I pried my way into your life, and what I didn't wheedle out of you, you opened up and told me. I know that's not easy for you, and I can't even tell you how much it means to me that you trusted me that much. It's not that I didn't want to tell you, I just…I didn't.

"I'm gonna go" Rick said, defeated. There was really nothing else he could say on the subject. He took a few steps before turning back to Kate, who was still seated on the couch with her knees pulled up to her chest. "Just…I shot Markaway. I beat up Davis and Lockwood, and I'd do it all again to keep them-or anyone else-from hurting you. I think like a killer sometimes, and maybe that says something about me, I don't know. But I would never kill another human being in cold blood. You have to believe that."

Rick gazed at the woman he loved, her face a mask but her eyes full of pain and something unidentifiable. Sighing deeply, he opened the door and stepped into the hallway. He wasn't sure if Kate heard his murmured "I love you" as he exited, but he didn't stick around to find out.


	7. Chapter 7

_Here's the next chapter...not quite as long of a delay as last time. I'm not getting many reviews, but the ones I get are positive. If you're reading and DON'T like it, review anyway! (please) I can't improve without **constructive** criticism. _

_International08: good catch! They were Firefly references, just because I like to include subtle references like that in everything I write. I don't like them to be obvious, so it's nice when people catch them. If I knew you, I'd give you a cookie or somethin'. _

_Here goes!_

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><p><strong>CHAPTER 7<strong>

_September 22, 10:16am_

"Manuel Sanchez! NYPD open up!" Esposito called as he pounded on the dingy white door of apartment 5C. "Manuel Sanchez!"

A disjointed rustling sounded from inside the apartment, accompanied by a muttered "okay, okay." A few moments later the deadbolt clicked and the door creaked open, revealing a surprisingly clean-cut looking hispanic man. Judging by his wardrobe he had just crawled out of bed; he was wearing nothing but a pair of plaid boxers. The man was about six feet tall and in very good shape, with close-cropped black hair and a single tattoo of the Virgin of Guadelupe on his left deltoid.

"Manuel Sanchez?" Esposito confirmed.

"Ten o'clock on a Saturday, four cops at my door. What did I do this time?" Sanchez asked, his speech very slightly accented.

"Detective Esposito" said Javier, flashing his badge. "Detective Ryan, Beckett, Richard Castle" he introduced. "We need to ask you a few questions about Matthew Davis."

"I don't know Matthew Davis" said Sanchez, moving to close the door.

"Eh eh." Ryan stuck out his arm and held the door open. "You're on parole, buddy. You might wanna consider cooperating. We either talk here or we talk down at the station."

Sanchez looked longingly in the direction of his bedroom across the small but tidy apartment, sighing and rubbing his sleep-swollen eyes. "Ok, I know him. Why?"

"Where'd you know him from?" asked Beckett. Guys like Sanchez were tough. He wasn't just a thug, he was smart enough not to offer up information. This guy wasn't about to incriminate himself.

"We had some business dealings a few years back" said Sanchez.

"Did you know he was back in town?" asked Esposito.

"I did. Called me to give me the good news himself."

"Why would he call you?" asked Esposito.

Sanchez sighed. "He wanted a job. What's this about?"

"What kind of job?" asked Beckett.

"The kind that's gonna settle his debt" said Sanchez, remaining vague. "He owes me almost forty grand. He'll be working for me for a while."

"Hate to break it to ya, Sanchez" Esposito said in a tone of mock apology, " but you're out forty g's. Your new employee was pulled out of the East River yesterday morning."

Sanchez took a slight step back. Either he was a truly gifted actor, or he'd had no idea that Matt was dead.

"Where were you between ten thirty and midnight on Thursday?" Beckett asked.

"I didn't kill Matt" Sanchez insisted. "I didn't even know he was dead."

"Sanchez, where were you?" Beckett repeated.

Sanchez sighed once again. "Thursday night I got thrown out of a bar up the street, The Tavern. I got into a fight with this punk kid and the owner was calling the cops, so I ran the hell up out of there. Like the little guy said, I'm on parole."

"_Little_ guy?" Ryan parroted, looking deeply affronted. Castle looked down at him sympathetically, but shrugged. Beckett fought back a smile.

Sanchez ignored them, focusing on the more intimidating Beckett and Esposito. "Look, talk to the owner. I was there. If you wanna know who killed Davis, find out what he was into out in Cali."

"What do you know about that?" asked Beckett.

"Enough to know it was bad" said Sanchez. "An ex cop calls a felon and asks for a job just so's he can get outta town? That's bad news, man. All Matt told me was that he'd rather work off his debt for me than stay in Cali and end up in a box.''

* * *

><p><em>September 22, 1:50pm<em>

Beckett clanked her desk phone into the reciever and made her way over to Esposito's desk. It was weird having to go to Javi with the details of the investigation instead of Beckett, but Esposito was eating it up. Lead detective on one case and the guy goes on a power trip.

Castle followed Beckett over silently. Since the staring contest with Beckett earlier that morning he had been mostly back to his old self. That had changed about an hour earlier when Castle had asked the Captain for a word. He had emerged from her office a few minutes later looking like his family pet had died, and had remained deep in thought ever since.

Though they had all seen the somber, quiet version of Castle before, Ryan found in no less unnerving. Where were the CIA conspiracy theories? The alien abduction stories? The way this case was shaping up, they could use a wild idea right about now.

"What'd ya find out?" Javi asked, looking up from Badger's financial records, which were strewn across his desk. Badger hadn't flown to New York recently. He also hadn't hired anyone to take out Davis...at least not as far as they could prove.

Castle propped himself on the edge of Ryan's desk, as per usual, and listened in subdued silence as Beckett brought them all up to speed.

"Detective Carter of the LAPD questioned Badger for us" Beckett began. "Badger was collared for an unrelated assault the night of our murder, he got into a bar fight and hit three guys over the head with a pool cue. But since he was incarcerated already, Carter was able to question him at length about Matt. According to Badger, Matt was in debt twenty five thousand-"

Ryan whistled. "Sixty five grand in debt? Was this guy stupid or what?" Beckett glared at him, the scary glare, and Esposito gave him the _"Dude. Shut up!_" look. "Sorry" Ryan murmured sheepishly.

"Anyway," said Beckett, exasperated, "Badger says that Matt made a hundred thousand dollar bet on something he considered a sure thing, betting to cover his debt with Badger and with Sanchez, I'm guessing. But he lost. So he pulled his twenty K in savings as a good faith gesture, promising Badger that he'd get the rest. Badger wanted more, so he made Matt get rid of incriminating evidence in the murder Badger was accused of. But Matt got fired and Badger knew that not only would the cops keep sniffing around, but he wasn't going to be getting his money any time soon."

"So he wanted Davis dead" said Castle.

"Yep" Beckett confirmed with a nod. "He gave him a couple of months, complete with what Badger called 'incentive', which I'm guessing is where those older bruises came from, and then decided that enough was enough. When Detective Carter told him that Matt was dead, Badger said," she consulted her notepad briefly "and I quote, 'Good. Now I don't have to kill the bastard myself.'"

"So safe to say he had motive" said Ryan.

"But he clearly didn't do it" said Castle. "This guy's been in business a long time, he's not gonna admit to all of that if he actually killed the guy, or had him killed."

"Carter's sure Badger didn't know anything about it" said Beckett. "He says Badger admitted to trying to find Matt, but his guys hadn't figured out that he was in New York yet."

"So" Castle began with a sigh, rubbing his temples in frustration, "this guy was in debt a grand total of a hundred and sixty thousand dollars, to two different bookies, and neither one of them killed him?"

"Looks that way" said Beckett. "This case is nothing but dead ends."

Ryan was disappointed too. A large part of him wanted Sanchez to be guilty if for no other reason than to give Ryan an excuse to slap the cuffs on that guy and shove him into the back of a patrol car. Maybe smack his head into the roof for good measure. _Little guy my ass..._

"I might have something" Ryan said proudly, rummaging through his notes. "Unies canvassed bars around the SRO where Davis was staying and found the one where he got his final beverage. The manager recognized Davis, said he got into a tussle with one of their regulars, Vinny Antonacchi. Apparently the guy thought Davis was hitting on his girlfriend."

"That would explain the pre-mortem bruising Lanie found" said Beckett. Castle nodded in agreement. "Do we have an address for this guy?"

"Got it right here" said Ryan, holding the slip of paper between his index and middle finger and smirking proudly. Beckett, with her crazy fast reflexes, snatched it away in an instant. _Dammit. _

While Castle was busy chuckling and Beckett smirking, Esposito's phone rang. After listening for a few moments, he hung up with a smug smile he tried -and failed- to turn into an authoritative, businesslike expression. "Uniforms just found what looks like our crime scene."

"Ok" said Beckett. "Why don't you and Ryan head down there and Castle and I…" Beckett trailed off, looking at Esposito's look of wide-eyed hurt and disappointment. He looked as if someone had just stolen his ice cream cone and knocked over his sand castle. "Sorry" Beckett murmured, clearly unhappy about not being in charge. Ryan snickered.

"Why don't you and Castle go talk to Antonacchi and Ryan and I'll check out our potential crime scene with CSU" said Esposito, looking a little disappointed that Beckett had stolen his thunder.

"You're lead detective and Beckett's still running the show" said Ryan, smiling up at his partner. "How's that make you feel, _Boss_?"

Esposito smacked him on the back of the head. "Shut up, Ryan."

* * *

><p><em>September 22, 12:42pm<em>

It seemed to Rick that he and Kate had reached some sort of unspoken understanding. There were still things that needed to be said, by both of them, but the precinct wasn't the place and this certainly wasn't the time. Not with the investigation spinning wildly in all directions, all of which were leading to dead ends. Rick understood himself to be forgiven, and that was good enough for him. At least for now.

Something was still eating at him though: Captain Rachel Maddox. He hadn't given her much thought until just a little while ago when she had approached the team for a report on the Davis case. The look of loathing she had shot at Castle almost made him flinch, and she had made more than a few not-so-subtle remarks at Castle's expense throughout the briefing. Oh how he missed Roy Montgomery, especially at times like these.

The she-devil herself was striding across the bullpen toward her office as if summoned from the depths of hell by Castle's negative thoughts. "I'll be right back" he told Beckett, who waved her hand absently, not looking up from her computer screen. Castle made his way toward Maddox and intercepted her a few feet from her office door.

"Can I help you?" Maddox snapped, glaring up at Castle through cold gray eyes.

"May I have a quick word, Captain?" Castle asked, keeping his tone as polite as he could given the always-tense circumstances.

''Are you about to tell me you're leaving the precinct?" Maddox asked "Because that's just about the only conversation I'd be interested in having with you."

"It won't take long" Castle said calmly, waiting patiently and enduring her appraising glare with his best poker face.

"You have two minutes" she snapped, and Castle followed her into the office.

It didn't feel right in there, even after all these months. This should be Montgomery's office. It should smell faintly of musky cologne and fine scotch, which should be emanating from the glass bottles on the side table. It should be orderly but lived-in, not bland and sterile. It should be filled with haphazardly arranged plaques and awards reading "Roy Montgomery" not sprinkled with prominently displayed commendations bearing the name "Rachel Maddox." There should be an autographed baseball on the corner of the desk, but in its place was a plain glass paperweight. Roy's unique character had been erased from the office when Maddox bulldozed in, but somehow Castle could still feel his comforting presence in the room.

"You don't like me" Castle began, taking a seat across from Maddox in one of the uncomfortable chairs that adorned her office. Maddox's face remained a mask, but confusion flitted across her eyes. "You don't like me, and you haven't liked me since before we met. That's fine, because frankly I don't like you either."

"Is there a point to this, Mr. Castle? Or are you just trying to flatter me with your unending wit and charm?"

Castle smirked. "As I said, I don't care that you don't like me. But yesterday you were hell-bent on getting me arrested for a crime I didn't commit, and unless I'm grossly misreading your reaction, highly unlikely, you were disappointed when Ryan and Esposito proved my innocence." Maddox simply raised her eyebrows, issuing no denial, so Castle continued. "I don't particularly enjoy finding myself on the verge of being thrown in jail, so I'd just like to ask: why the hell do you hate me so much?"

"I realize that your ego is astoundingly large, but surely you must know that not everyone in the world likes you" said Maddox coldly.

"I do" Castle acknowledged. "Until a few years ago this would've been news to me, but I've grown up quite a bit since I started working with Detectives Beckett, Ryan and Esposito." Castle met her gaze unflinchingly. "You didn't answer my question."

Maddox narrowed her eyes menacingly, but Castle didn't waver. She was nowhere near as scary as Beckett. "I don't like you because you use your fame, your money, and your friends in high places to bulldoze your way through rules and regulations which were put in place for a purpose. You are a civilian, and while I acknowledge that your insights have been helpful in solving cases from time to time, you have neither the training nor the skill to be in the situations you have repeatedly put yourself in. I don't trust you. Civilian ride-alongs are dangerous for the officers they are riding with, and your ride along has gone so past far enough it's absurd. You have been exposed to secrets that are vital to our national security, and that puts our country at risk. You go rogue, and force my detectives to go rogue with you, on a regular basis, putting both them and yourself in danger. So far you've been lucky. But when your luck inevitably runs out and you get stabbed, or shot, or blown up, or killed _I_ will be the one that has to pick up the pieces. _My_ ass will be on the line. _ I_ will be explaining to your mother and your child and your adoring fans why you're dead.

"That's why I didn't like you at first. Then I actually met you. You're a loose cannon. You fly off at the mouth. You're never serious. You disrespect authority and do whatever Richard Castle wants regardless of who tells you not to. You're immature, spoiled, arrogant, and you think the world revolves around you. Not to mention the fact that you've had the audacity to be on _my_ case, telling _me_ how to do _my_ job, since day one. You've done nothing to prove my initial perception wrong, in fact you've managed to re-enforce it. Why would I like you? I know you've managed to weasel your way into the good graces of my entire staff in the past few years, but I can't be bought with espresso machines and bear claws and takeout, Mr. Castle. And the _only_ reason I keep you around is because there would be a riot in the precinct if I did what I want to do, not to mention the politicians I'd have breathing down my back. But give me an excuse, Castle, and you're out the door. Permanently."

Castle, the man who had written twenty nine and a half best selling novels, was utterly speechless. He had absolutely no response. What to address first? The fact that he _was_ immature initially, but he had grown so much in the past four years that he was practically a different person now? Or the fact that, though he had admittedly been in situations he wasn't trained to handle, Kate Beckett would've been killed several times over had he _not_ been there? What about the fact that the 12th was the only place with people who knew the real Rick Castle and liked him for who he was, not what he could buy for them?

Would Maddox believe him even if he did say those things?

"I believe your two minutes are up" said the Captain, her voice full of ice-cold venom. She opened the file she had carried into her office and smacked it down on the desktop with entirely too much force, her eyes never leaving Castle's.

Still to stunned to speak, Castle rose and strode out of the office wondering if he would've been better off not knowing.


	8. Chapter 8

_Warning...DARK stuff in this chapter. See author's note below._

_Also, I keep forgetting to say this but I think it's pretty damn obvious that I don't own Castle. If they need any new writers, though...you know...call me._

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8<strong>

_September 23, 8:14am_

Castle followed Beckett, who was practically running, into Lanie's lab, catching the door just before it swung back and smacked him in the face. How that woman could move that fast in those heels was one of the many mysteries of Kate Beckett that he would never solve.

Lanie was waiting for them, arms crossed. "I'm not telling you anything till you tell me you've kissed and made up" she said by way of greeting.

"Lanie-" Beckett scolded, exasperated. She reached for the folder in the ME's hand, but Lanie jerked it out of reach.

"Uh uh, girl."

Beckett sighed and looked at Castle, who just shrugged. Lanie Parrish was one of four women in this world he knew better than to mess with. The other three, of course, being his daughter, his mother, and his Kate Beckett. Though the latter probably wouldn't appreciate the possessive adjective.

"Fine" said Beckett. "We made up. We're fine, we're great, we're in love, we're _really_ interested in the results of your tests."

"Glad to hear it" said Lanie with a nod, handing over the file in her hand. "I ran some additional tests, re-checked everything, I practically re-did the autopsy."

"And?" Beckett probed, her patience wearing thin. They were all desperate for an end to this case, which had been both intellectually and emotionally trying. Yet part of Castle hoped...

"Castle was right" said Lanie, giving the author a nod. "We know who killed Matt Davis."

"Case closed" said Castle, though without the slightest hit of his usual happiness and excitement.

"Yeah" Beckett sighed, leaning into Castle's shoulder. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and placed a kiss into her hair. "I just wish I had known…"

"I know, Kate. I know."

* * *

><p><em>September 22, 9:55pm<em>

This _case_! Beckett was ready to start tearing her hair out. Antonacchi had alibied out, he and his girlfriend had gone down the street to another bar immediately after the incident with Matt, and they had stayed there until almost three a.m. Antonacchi had shed very little light on Matt's final hours, saying only that he had been flirting with Sammie, Antonacchi's girlfriend. Vinny had thrown a few punches, they had both gotten kicked out, and Matt had headed east on 134th while Sammie and Vinny walked west.

CSU techs had confirmed that the blood by the 133rd St. docks was Matt Davis's. They were certain that he was killed on site, but they hadn't managed to find any other forensic evidence. The killer had been meticulous, and Beckett was beginning to wonder if they were ever going to solve this one.

After the team had stared for hours at the murder board and come up with nothing, Esposito had suggested that they all head home for the night. Beckett hated not being the lead.

Instead, Beckett went to dinner with Castle. They had things they needed to discuss, obviously, and she didn't want to go to sleep one more time with these issues hanging between them or spend one more night without him by her side. So they went to a little out of the way Italian place they loved, sat at a private table in the back, split an order of bruschetta, and didn't speak.

The silence between them wasn't uncomfortable, exactly, but the unspoken conflict stretched between them like an iron beam, welding them together, weighing them down and maintaining the distance between them. It wasn't until they were stepping out onto the sidewalk that Kate laced her fingers through Rick's. "Walk with me for a bit?" she asked softly.

Rick nodded wordlessly and Kate steered them down the sidewalk, heading nowhere in particular. "I'm sorry" she said after a moment.

"Why are you sorry?" he asked, his voice tinged with concern.

"For doubting you. For letting you walk out last night without telling you that I love you, too. For letting you walk out last night at all." Kate squeezed Rick's fingers tighter, watching his face carefully.

Rick smiled weakly. "I figured you needed time to process" he said. "And I didn't know if, after all that, you wanted me around."

"Rick, of course I do" Kate insisted, stopping in the middle of the sidewalk and turning to face him. "You didn't tell me anything that changed the way I feel about you. I'm glad I know. It's part of what makes you who you are. Why wouldn't I wanna know that?"

"I know that my marriages are…they concern you" said Rick. "They're part of the reason you're not sure if you wanna marry me. I didn't think that...I didn't see how knowing the details of how I screwed up would make you feel any better. And I want to marry you, Kate. Not today, not next week. But I do. You're different than Meredith and Gina. I don't want to mess up what we have."

Kate leaned up and kissed him gently before looping her arm through his and starting off down the sidewalk again. "If you ask me" she said thoughtfully, "Meredith screwed up. She had you, she took you for granted, and she let you go. I can't imagine a person being that stupid, though I'm glad for my sake she was." Out of the corner of her eye she saw a slight smile play across Rick's handsome features. "And Gina…you tried to do the right thing for Alexis, and it didn't work out. I can't blame you for trying."

Rick smiled, the first genuine smile Kate had seen in a couple of days, and it melted her heart. She smiled back, nudging into his side, and they walked in comfortable silence for a few blocks.

"I don't want some huge rock" said Kate thoughtfully, breaking the silence. "It has to be something I can wear at work." Rick stopped walking and looked at her in shock. "When you decide to propose. I'm not pushing you, just letting you know that I don't want some massive, ten carat diamond that makes my had weigh four tons. And I'm not gonna want some huge expensive wedding, either."

"Kate, as long as I'm marrying you I won't care what kind of wedding it is" Rick said sincerely, his eyes filled with such happiness and love it took Kate's breath away.

She kissed him, not gently this time, and they were both slightly breathless when they broke apart. "Not today" Kate whispered against his lips. "Not today, but someday."

"That's good enough for me.''

They walked until they reached Hudson Park, where they stood on the shores of the Hudson River and gazed out over the water at the twinkling lights of New Jersey beyond. By day, the water was a dirty, murky, unnatural green color, but at night it was breathtakingly beautiful. The city lights were reflected on the surface, yellow-orange dancing across the rippling blackness. The air was cool and crisp, the breeze rustling through the few trees and over the sparkling water. Rick stood behind Kate and wrapped his arms around her snugly. Kate gripped his forearms and leaned back against his solid chest, feeling remarkably at peace.

"What did you want with Maddox today?" Kate finally asked. In her preoccupation with the case she had all but forgotten about the exchange and how quiet Rick had been afterward.

Rick took a deep breath and squeezed her more tightly. ''I wanted to try and clear the air, to find out why she hates me so damn much. I mean, I know I'm not perfect. I annoy a lot of people, hell, I annoy you, but-"

"You don't annoy me so much anymore" said Kate. "You did at first, but now it's…endearing. At least most of the time."

Rick chuckled warmly, the vibrations rippling through his chest and into Kate as he kissed her temple. "She said she hates how I use my fame and high powered friends so that I can stick around. She said that I put her people in danger, disrespect authority, put our national security at risk,-"

"She does realize that you saved this city from nuclear disaster, right?" Kate asked.

Rick laughed again. "That's a bit overly dramatic, but no. I don't believe that she does.''

"What about the number of times that you've saved my life over the years?"

"You've saved mine, too" Rick insisted.

"I think if we were keeping score it would be largely in your favor. And yes, you do disrespect authority, especially her authority, but if you ask me she deserves it."

"I don't know, Kate" said Rick softly. "I hate the woman, but Maddox raised some good points. I do put you and the boys at risk. I'm not trained to handle these situations-"

"And yet you do a remarkably good job of handling them anyway" Kate interjected.

"I don't need to hang around for research anymore, Kate. It hasn't been about the research for years now. It might be better for everyone if I just went back to writing."

Kate pulled out of his grasp and turned to face him so quickly that she almost got whiplash. "You're my partner."

"I'm not a cop."

"You're my _partner." _Kate ran her eyes over his face, trying to decipher his expression. "Do you _want_ to leave?"

"Of course I don't."

"Then you're not leaving. You'll keep using your 'fame and high powered friends' and you'll stay. I want you there. Ryan and Esposito want you there, along with pretty much the entire 12th Precinct. That's all that matters."

"I probably should stay" said Rick with a smile, pulling Kate close again. "If I wasn't with you while you're out there chasing down murderers I'd probably kill m-"

A strange expression passed over Rick's face, the look that always appeared when he figured something out in a case. When things came together. He had that faraway look in his eyes, and he stared out at the water without seeing it. Abruptly, he released Kate and walked over to the water's edge, climbed over the railing, and raised his right hand over his head.

Kate strode after him, both alarmed and curious. "Rick?" she said, but received no response. She tried again, louder and more forcefully. "Castle!" He turned. "What is it?"

Castle opened his mouth to speak but closed it again and clambered back over the railing instead. He looked into Kate's eyes and swallowed hard. His face was full of concern as he knitted his eyebrows together and finally spoke in a voice just louder than a whisper. "Do you think Matt could've killed himself?"

* * *

><p><em>September 20, 11:18pm<em>

Matt Davis wandered aimlessly through the streets of New York, his newly purchased gun tucked into the back of his jeans. He didn't know where he was going, didn't have any sort of plan or goal, he was just walking. Going wherever his exhausted legs would take him.

When had his life become such a wreck? It was the gambling thing, or at least that's how it had started. He knew he should've gotten help many years before, but a cop in GA meetings? He could've lost his job, and at the very least the respect of everyone he worked with. He had thought LA would be a fresh start, but instead it was far worse there than in New York. He had come home a marked man, reduced to working with crooks and for a felon, anything he could do to save his miserable life.

Most of the people Matt interacted with had no idea of the trouble he was in. He hid his problems well, too ashamed for anyone to know that he felt like the entire world was crashing down around him. He didn't want anyone to worry, or to try to help. There was nothing they could do, was there?

Matt had thought that maybe being with Kate would help him work things out. He had never really gotten over her, she just wasn't the type of person you could get over. But he had screwed that up too, removed even the possibility of her friendship and support. She had picked up on the fact that something was wrong, but Matt hadn't been able to tell her. Kate was too good, too kind, to just. She would hate him. She would worry.

It was bad enough that his cousin Zoe was worried sick. Matt had seen it in her eyes and he didn't want that for her. The guilt he felt over what he had done to these women was overwhelming. Matt found himself wishing that Rick Castle had followed through on his threat, just put him out of his misery.

He wasn't sleeping, he hadn't been for weeks. Surfing held no appeal for him anymore, nor did food. The TV wouldn't hold his interest. Nothing was left to fill his nights but thinking about all the many ways he'd screwed up. No job, no friends, less than no money.

Matt had desperately needed something to help him feel better, so he hit up the bar closest to the SRO for a beer and some female company. Nothing could cheer a man up like a hot chick in his bed. But that hadn't worked out either, had it? No, all Matt had to show for that endeavor was a few fresh bruises from the girl's guido boyfriend. At least his old ones had some new company. He'd hate for them to get lonely.

Time passed unnoticed, people passed in the street without Matt ever seeing them. He wandered on, through the streets, across the park, in and out of alleyways. Eventually he found himself by the docks, looking out over the East River.

It struck Matt suddenly that it was kind of pretty out here, in an ominous sort of way. In the dark the water seemed to be endlessly deep, going on forever in a black, murky abyss. Matt wished he could float across it, see where it went. Perhaps it went to a place where Badger couldn't follow, where he didn't have to work for a crook like Sanchez, where Kate was still in love with him and Zoe didn't worry.

Matt felt the weight of the gun in his waistband, took it out and stared at it. It was a thing of beauty, really, the Glock. Expert craftsmanship, solid and heavy and powerful. He was holding death in his hands.

The thought never occurred to him until that moment, standing over the water of the East River with the gun in his hand. Matt had never considered before, but he had the solution. He had the answer right in his hands, the thing that would make all of his problems go away.

It was so simple. No one would worry. He wouldn't owe any money or have to look over his shoulder for Badger's thugs. He'd be free.

Matt Davis climbed over the railing of the dock and stood on the edge looking down at the black water lapping gently beneath him. The Glock was pleasantly heavy in his hand, the safety gave an agreeable click as he removed it. He lifted the gun to his head. At the last second it occurred to him that he didn't want people to know that he had killed himself. He felt slightly ashamed, but not enough that he didn't want to go through with it. So instead of putting the gun to his temple, Matt raised his arm over his head and pointed the gun down at the top of his skull.

He pulled the trigger.

* * *

><p><em>So, yeah. Oddly enough, I'm actually really happy with this chapter. Though I know it's really dark, I like the imagery. Please don't be concerned for my mental health, I promise I am neither depressed nor suicidal. Matt's mindset is one I understand to a very limited degree, and I found it interesting to write from his perspective. <em>

_**Please** review whether you loved it, hated it or found it completely unmoving. I'm really very interested in your thoughts on this. FYI, though, the next chapter is MUCH lighter. Bordering on fluff. So imma get that one up now before you people send me death threats or somethin'..._


	9. Epilogue

_Final chapter..._

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue<strong>

_December 24, 2012, 11:58pm_

"I'm heading to bed, guys" said Alexis with a yawn, stretching as she stood.

They had just finished watching _It's a Wonderful Life_, a Castle family Christmas Eve tradition. They had started the movie later than usual this year. Most of the afternoon had been spent in the park, icy cold as it was. It had started snowing around two, and though snow was not normally something to be excited about in New York this was Christmas snow and Christmas snow was different.

Many snowballs, snow angels, and one pathetic snowman later, they had returned to the loft wet, numb, shivering and happy. Ashley, Ryan, Jenny, Esposito and Lanie had joined them for a huge, exquisite dinner- Martha had been forcibly kept out of the kitchen -and they had spent the evening laughing boisterously and drinking Rick's most expensive wines. Not that he minded in the least. One by one they headed home, exchanging kisses and hugs and "Merry Christmases" a few too many times each.

Castle had thoroughly enjoyed the day. He was a big fan of Christmas- the kid in him, he supposed- and it was hard for anything to dampen his spirits around the holidays. Yet he couldn't remember ever having more fun on a Christmas Eve. His favorite part of the day had been after the dinner guests left, when he and his three favorite ladies changed into pajamas and snuggled up on the couch in front of a classic film, flames dancing in the fireplace and lights twinkling on the towering Christmas tree. He was the happiest he had been in a very, very long time. Perhaps ever.

Alexis kissed each of them on the cheek, first Martha, then Kate, then Rick. "Merry Christmas, Pumpkin" Rick said as she pulled away.

"Merry Christmas" Alexis replied. "By the way, I'm waking you up at eight for presents, so make sure you're both decent."

"Alexis!" Rick scolded.

Martha laughed. "Nice of you to give them fair warning, Darling."

"I'll make sure" Kate promised with a grin. She had been living in the loft since October. Alexis had come home for fall break and pointed out the ridiculousness of Kate paying rent on her own apartment when she spent every night and kept most of her clothes at the loft. Unable to fault that logic and, Rick suspected, because she really wanted to anyway, Kate had moved in the following weekend.

Alexis scurried off up the stairs. "I'm going to get some sleep too, Darlings" Martha announced. "I'm sure Alexis's squeals of excitement will wake me in the morning long before I'm ready."

"Good night, Mother."

"Night, Martha"

Martha kissed them both on the cheek and swept off after her granddaughter.

The clouds were still dumping snow relentlessly on the city, the neighboring buildings almost invisible behind the white sheets falling past the windows. Kate was staring thoughtfully out into the white darkness, leaning into Rick's side.

"What's on your mind?" Rick asked, placing a kiss into her hair.

"I was thinking about Matt."

"What about him?" asked Rick, confused. Kate had been understandably upset by her friend's decision to end his own life, but they hadn't spoken about it much since the funeral back in September.

''There was a time when I didn't see the joy in life" Kate murmured thoughtfully. "Those first few years after my mom died, I was obsessed with finding her killer. I was in a dark place and I didn't know how I'd ever get out. But killing myself…that thought never crossed my mind."

"You have no idea how glad I am to hear you say that" said Rick sincerely. Kate turned and kissed him briefly before settling back into his side.

"Just…Days like we had today are what makes life worth living" said Kate. She sounded almost awed. "It was the perfect day. And somehow, even when I was stuck down the rabbit hole of my mom's murder, I never lost hope that I could have days like this again. I'm wondering…what makes me different than Matt? How could he lose hope when I didn't?"

Rick sighed. "First of all, because your extraordinary. You're amazing, and you're compassionate, and you're driven, and you're the strongest person I've ever met. Not everyone could have lived through that, Kate, but you did. You did because you're…you.

"Secondly, Matt was sick. He was an addict, and he was depressed. You saw that he had changed, but he just hid it too well for his own good. No one knew what was wrong until it was too late to save him. When you lose the will to live... there's nothing anyone can do to fix that. Even back when you were 'in the rabbit hole,' you had things to live for: your father, and solving your mother's case. Matt didn't have that."

Kate turned in Rick's arms, meeting his eyes with an expression of love and admiration that melted his heart. "What did I do to deserve you?" she asked, twining her fingers through his.

"I'm pretty sure you've got that backwards" Rick replied with a smile. He bent his head and kissed her, taking her left hand in both of his.

Kate pulled back in surprise. "Rick, what…"

She opened her fingers to reveal a small, white gold band set with three small diamonds, the center stone larger than the other two. Kate met Rick's eyes, her hazel orbs wide with shock.

"So" said Rick, swallowing nervously, "you're either gonna make this the absolute perfect day, or you're gonna pretty much ruin Christmas Eve for me forever."

Kate slid the ring on her finger and kissed him, hard and hot and passionate yet simultaneously sweet and full of promise. Rick pulled back after a moment. "Are you gonna let me ask?"

"Yeah. Sorry, yeah." Kate was wide-eyed and breathless with anticipation.

Rick's mouth twitched in the ghost of a smile before he began. "I'm usually one for grand gestures, but you once told me that 'most women prefer something a little more intimate' and I assumed you were including yourself in that group. So this isn't big, it's about as simple as it could possibly be, but I'm hoping you'll marry me anyway, because I lo-"

The rest of Rick's speech, which he had been practicing for weeks, was cut off by Kate's lips on his, but Rick found that he didn't care in the slightest. She pulled back briefly, lips still ghosting over his as she murmured ''yes,'' and then pressed their mouths together once more.

* * *

><p>Richard Castle's neighbors were awakened at eight o'clock on a snowy Christmas morning by the delighted squeals of his nineteen year old daughter as she entered her father's room and saw the diamond engagement ring gleaming on Kate Beckett's finger.<p>

* * *

><p><em>So...I don't write fluff. It's not my thing. I made an exception in this case because I felt that, after the previous chapter, this story needed some fluff. And it's gotta have a happy ending. My concern is that it's too cliche and cheesy, so please review and let me know what I can do to make this better. <em>

_Thanks so much for sticking with me to the end! I really appreciate all your kind reviews. Y'all do amazing things for a girl's ego. Muah!_

_C _


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